Ask Demetria: Should I Give My Ex Another Chance?

Unknown“Recently my ex emailed me (I’ve blocked him from calling or messaging me). He wants to try the relationship again. Previously we were together one-and-a-half years. I don’t know what to make of it. It threw me off. Is it ever OK to go back to an ex?” —A.S.

Certain exes tend to hold a special place in the hearts of singles (and some folks in relationships). For whatever went wrong in the relationship as it neared its demise, there were good times had and special memories made. Time, frustration and sometimes loneliness can make us nostalgic for better days and overlook the glaring issues that led to the relationship’s end.

Unfortunately, there’s no clear-cut answer to your question. Making the “right” decision depends on why this relationship ended. If there was an issue that you just couldn’t hash out then—communication, misplaced priorities or money woes—but, with clearer heads and hopefully some maturity, it can be addressed now, then reconsidering an ex could be worth a discussion. If you were treated poorly—any form of abuse, infidelity or you couldn’t trust him—then I’m not a fan of signing up for a second round, no matter how much your partner claims to have changed.

What’s equally important to think about while you contemplate this decision is what both of you are willing to do differently this time around so you don’t repeat the mistakes of your past. If you don’t, you will only break up again, likely for the same reasons. And that’s just more drama for everyone.

Before a former couple consider reuniting, they need to have a few candid discussions on the front end—that means before they are back together—about what went wrong and how the previous issues they had can be addressed. They should also begin to re-date each other almost as if they’ve met for the first time. Exes who return don’t immediately regain all-access and full benefits of a relationship.

That said, I’ve given you the general answer about going back to exes. But I’d be remiss not to point out that in your specific situation, getting back with your ex doesn’t sound like the best idea.

You haven’t said exactly why your relationship ended, but whatever happened during or after the breakup was enough for you to go to the trouble of blocking him from calling or texting you. That’s not a normal reaction to a breakup. You don’t just block someone for nothing.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. If you did want ever he did to you, to him. Would you want him to take you back if you were sorry? In that question, you will find the answer. Great blog post

  2. He’s an ex for a reason.. I’m the kind of person that detatches when it’s over… I also follow my gut instincts…if in the moment of his apology for what ever happened seemed sincere fine I’ll forgive but I don’t need to reconnect.

  3. asiagn30 says:

    What helped me get over an ex that I just couldn’t shake was thinking about all the times he hurt me and how I felt. When I would start to get weak I just reminded myself of the hurt.

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