The Root: Should the Other Woman Ever Confront the Main Girl?
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 3:33AM i hadn't seen my ex in a year and a half. I ran into my ex 2 1/2 months ago; I am now 2 1/2months pregnant. He is very supportive, and we are making plans for names. However, he has not told his fiancée yet. I know it's hard on him, since none of this was planned, and there's no easy way to tell her. He says he is trying to get the courage to tell her because he knows it's all over when he does.
Allow me to add, this is the second time we got pregnant. We were broken up, continued to have sex, but the pregnancy wasn't successful. His fiancée knew about it and left him. I don't want him back. Why would I want him after what he has done to someone he claims he loves so much? No, thank you. I will not be stepping in those shoes. Co-parenting is just fine. But I want to tell his fiancée now. I think the sooner the better. What do you think? --C.N.
I think your energy is best spent focusing on the well-being of the child you're carrying and preparing for his or her arrival.
The father of your child definitely should have told his fiancée by now. And you're right, there is no easy way to tell her, and the best way for her to find out is for him to tell her. "Remember C.N.? She's pregnant again. I'm the father, again," is as good as anything else.
Hopefully, for her, this will be the wake-up call she needs to leave her fiancé for good. He's proved that he's not ready to be anybody's husband and, furthermore, that he can't be trusted. But when he does or does not tell his fiancée is on him. She's his to deal with. Add her to the list of things that are none of your concern. You may be carrying his child, but that doesn't give you any clout in his relationship.
Also, let's not pretend that you're eager to let the clichéd cat out of the bag because of some sisterhood solidarity or because you think it's for the greater good. If you believed either of those concepts, you wouldn't have slept with your ex.
You say you don't want him, but your actions say otherwise. Out of all the willing people in the world to lay up with, for pleasure's sake, you chose him? You continued to have sex with him after you two broke up, knowing he had a girlfriend. You got pregnant by him a first time and then, after a lengthy separation, had sex with him again and became pregnant, still knowing that he was in a relationship.
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Reader Comments (5)
yeah but what if he marries her? i mean he's a father and she doesn't know, if he hadn't told her now why would he tell his fiancee later then you have another child fatherless, at least if the fiance knows she could make a decision and leave. And that child MAYBE has the option of having a father. I think if possible she needs to let her know, how many children grow up fatherless. Under law if he marries that child will never have a dad. terrible.
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SPEAK ON IT!!! We are a COMMUNITY OF WOMEN and we need to learn how to respect each other, look out for each other and protect each other. It doesn't matter if we KNOW one another, its about "do unto your fella sista as you would have her do unto you". Think about this, what would happen if MEN didn't have anyone to cheat with?
She needs to take her ass to the clinc. Then when she's done, get a prescription for some birth control.
What about the girl who finds out she's "the other woman" after the fact? She truly loved him, thought he loved her and had more respect for her, but she comes to find out that he's been in a relationship the whole time? What does she do then, is it appropriate for her to reveal the truth to the main girl in this case?