The Root: Dating Before the Divorce is Final
Thursday, July 19, 2012 at 10:00AM " What is the rule of thumb on dating during the divorce process? Do women expect a divorce to be final in order to take a man seriously? Is it unfair or wrong to show an interest in other women while you are waiting for the final decree?" --O.U.
The rule of thumb is that you don't date until your divorce is final. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, especially if you're lonely right now.
That outlook may seem strict, especially for people who live in, say, North Carolina, which requires one year of separation before allowing a couple to file for even a no-fault divorce; Connecticut, which requires an 18-month waiting period before allowing a couple to file; or even Maryland, which requires a one-year wait. That can seem like a long time to "move on," especially when you are 100 percent positive that you and your spouse won't reunite. I'd encourage you to use the time between your separation and your divorce to heal emotionally from your marriage.
One study found that men were six times more likely to be depressed after a separation or divorce than were men who remained married. "Men's social lives largely revolve around their spouses and family, and when that is disrupted, it can leave men more isolated and prone to depression," Daniel Buccino, an assistant professor in the Johns Hopkins Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science, explained to Divorce360.com.
If this sounds like what you're experiencing, consider seeking a counselor who can help you work through your feelings, rather than a girlfriend to fill your newfound void. It may also be helpful for you to locate a divorce support group and to begin socializing in group settings so that you can get some of the personal interaction you may be missing.
But maybe that's not you, and you're doing just fine, twiddling your thumbs while you wait for the paperwork to officially end your marriage. Unfortunately, if you're in the "divorce process," you're not divorced, (i.e., you are still married). For a number of additional reasons, you still need to wait to begin looking for your next relationship.
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Reader Comments (1)
This decision would be all up to you. There is no reason that we can give you unless you are looking for a spiritual reason. Now technically you are still married, but as long as you let this person know that you have no intentions on getting back with your wife and that you are in the process of a divorce. If she is ok with it, then you can do what you want. Some women feel better when the man is divorce and some hold their value to not deal with a married man whether he is separated or living with the wife. You would have to do what you want with the situation in your own way and what is best for your needs.