$%^* Your Help!
Monday, July 30, 2012 at 1:48AM CBW bought me a bike for my birthday—assembly required. So now that he’s assembled it, I’ve been riding around Brooklyn, and getting it— sort of. And I’ve learned just how out of shape I really am. Geez.
I’ve always kept to doing a little something here and there so as not to get sloppy. But I’m not my 25-year-old self, or hell, even 30, anymore where I can go from zero to sixty with little effort. My thighs feel the burn at every hill I encounter. I’ve conquered the first one on my path to the park, but there’s another beastly one that’s getting the best of me. And it’s the one that I need to make it up to cap off my fourth mile and get out of Prospect Park.
I can’t ride all the way up the hill. Yes, I’m that sad-looking woman sweating plantation bullets and walking her bike up. I’ve been setting little markers to push myself further each time—the stoplight, the yield sign, and yesterday I made it past the sign and to some obscure tree before my legs said, "oh, hell no" and I got off to walk.
It is my sixth day riding. Last week, CBW and I were in the street at midnight when the constant flow of cars finally stalls and he was running behind me grasping the seat to re-teach me how to ride. That cliché people use “it’s like riding a bike” to convince people if they’ve done something once they can do it again with ease? Not entirely true. I hadn’t been on a bike in twenty years. And while it came back quickly enough, it wasn’t without a whole lot of effort and faith: Dear God, don’t let me bust my head wide open when CBW let’s go of this bike.
There were kids in the street tossing a football— it’s Brooklyn. Just go with it— and this little boy, about 8 or 9, is confused, watching me wobble back and forth up his street. He yells, “Miss, what’s wrong with you? You can’t ride a bike?” as I ride usteadily past. I inform him that I’ve forgotten how. He says, “All you have to do is pedal…. But you got to go a lot faster than that!”
So from that to this, journeying to the park, then around it, and riding in the street with cars now, I am quite proud of myself. Even if I can’t get up the hill… yet. I will make it bit by bit, just like how you eat an elephant. I’m making headway. I can see progress. God is not through with me yet.
But I guess that’s not good enough—at least for this random man and woman riding together up the hill yesterday. I’m off the bike by the time they encounter me, and I‘m huffing and puffing concentrating on getting one foot in front of the other. This man, shouts something, which took me a sec to figure that it was for me. The woman with him follows up (all nasty sounding), “He was trying to help!”
I say, in between a huff and puff, “Okay, thanks.” A clear brush off.
She shouts back, “Thanks but no thanks, huh?”
Now mind you, she is riding up this steep &^% hill. Why she is concentrating on me, I have no clue. Even seasoned riders, the real thin ones with the logo biking outfits and professional bikes, are focused going up this steep hill.
I give her a weak smile that says, “I heard you, move it along.”
But nooo! That’s still not enough. “If you learned to ask for help, you might get some,” she shouts.
This is not a conversation. I am ignoring her. She is talking. I am dying my way up this hill.
“Maybe if you asked for help, someone might help you! That’s how I learned,” she shouts again.
Well, @#$%ing great for you.
What I want to say, “Lady, I know there’s this perception that folks don’t ask for help because you know, everyone’s trying to be Superwoman or we think asking for help is a sign of weakness. But that’s not me, and with all due respect, I don’t want your $%#ing help. I met my goal for the day, and I’m all right with me. Janet."
Really, if you know a thing or two about being helpful, you know that often when people think they are being helpful, they’re really just butting in where they are not welcome. I find that people who really want help ask for it. And if they need it and don’t ask, they’re usually not in a place to receive whatever well-intentioned message you’re trying to deliver... like me, going up this hill. I got this and good day!
But I don't say all that. Every ounce of energy I got is getting me and the bike up the @#$% hill. So the lady keeps yapping, off in the distance now. I turn up “Bad Religion” in the one headphone in my ear, singing about an unrequited love I don't feel, but remember having felt all too well and zone out until I get the top of the damned hill.
Reader Comments (18)
I walk in my local park and i'm reeeeally out of shape. Lately I've coaxed my self into attempting to jog but there is always that one person who wants to offer advice when they see I'm "not doing it right". It takes a lot of courage for me to even attempt to run and it's something that I'd rather not be critiqued on. I completely understand.
I understand 100%. Its one thing to offer help that no one asked you for, but to get nasty because the person didn't take the help that they never asked for is ridiculous. That nasty attitude shows that she wasn't being the good samaritan. She was just trying to feel self righteous.
Congrats Demetria!!! Riding a bike will definitely support you in achieving physical health. I love riding my lil vintage cruiser with basket. Make it part of an activity you enjoy... for me it would be going to the Farmer's Market to pick up veggies. Since your in BK, maybe take on Prospect Park with CBW since it has a bike trail. All in all, have lots of fun. And if I hear of any other bike riding groups, will let you know.
Ugh! I hate that with a passion. I had coworkers all in my face asking me if i needed help one day, and I had to snap on all of them because they wouldn't take the hint that I wanted to be left alone. I know people mean well, but there is a such thing as doing the most, and that lady was definitely doing it!
I love your personal posts btw!!
Yay! A personal post from Belle! Feels like the old days! : )
I never thought I'd ever want to be health concious, but I joined a gym last February and I love it. Cycle is one of my new favorite pastimes. I am way too chicken to ride on the street though. Kudos to you!
Well the thing is... you do have a stank persona so I can see why she thought you were being ungrateful. And LORD knows those thick ass thighs need some slimming so please, I beg you.. keep biking.
BELLE EDIT: disrespectful comments will not be tolerated on my site. If you are too immature to play nicely with me or with others, then you will need to play elsewhere, like a church pew where you can be prayed for by professionals.
Your attitude does stink so maybe she was responding to the energy you were putting out. Ive met you twice through ppl and you were aloof and dismissive both times. Outside of attending one of your belle events when youre fake syrupy sweet (according to a coworker), you have a nasty demeanor and its easily read. You probably gave off the '*^%^ your help" signal right away and she couldnt hold her tongue in responding.
BELLE EDIT: disrespectful comments will not be tolerated on my site. It's unfortunate you didn't inspire me to take notice, but if you're still bitter about it, you will be best served to lick your unhealed wounds elsewhere. Thanks and saccharine kisses!
I feel you, Belle! I will never understand why people are nasty towards you when you don't accept their unsolicited opinions disguised as "help." Also, Renee and Caprice, I'm not sure why you all deemed it appropriate to air personal grievances as a comment to a blog post. That was really rude and unnecessary. Discretion ladies.
Yes, Belle, here I am reading YOUR blog in the middle of MY day and it makes total sense for me to address something that has nothing to do with what you've posted...like your "attitude" *rolls eyes* The internet has given people way too much fuel to be negative! Anyway...
At the end of the day, it is your choice whether you ask for or receive help from anyone in any aspect of life. If someone were interested in helping... why would they be yelling suggestions in passing? Wouldn't they be by your side, helping you and your bike up the hill?
I think that if a person wants help, they'll ask for it... and if they dont want help, they wont ask and they will refuse assistance when offered... we're not talking about children or feeble minded individuals, we're talking about people who are perfectly capable of articulating themselves.
*sigh* People really need to be concerned with themselves and keep unsolicited advice & opinions to themselves. My goal is my goal, your goal is your goal and we should all be happy with that. Imagine the success some people would achieve if they weren't always worried about what someone else was doing, how they're doing it & what they would do differently in someone else's shoes.
Congrats on the newest venture in living a healthier life... :)
Those "personal grievances" are thinly veiled cries for attention if not jealously. Belle please ignore! What's the rationale for following someone you deem "stank" and presumably disagreeable? -->Getalife.com
Back on topic, I think some ppl offer help from a place of wanting to be an authority figure on something in their life. So many times we are told that we're wrong abt one thing or another that we cannot help but relay it to the next person. I go through this a lot at the gym and it really kills my routine. Not headphones nor a RBF can keep people from telling me that I'm lifting or doing an exercise incorrectly. Drives me nuts, so I feel u!!
To Whom It May Concern,
I did not know it was possible to have this much level of hate in 2012. To hate someone so much that you can take the time out of your day to read about their "thick as thighs" ( you mad at THIGHS! ). To loathe a person so much that you would then take the time to write about their "stink, aloof, dismissiveness " Belle must be a biya biya (lets disregard her 18,000+ formspring answers). Ugghh all this reading and writing. Thats a lot of wasted time! Time that you will never ever ever ever get back. When your laying there or falling, as the images flash before your eyes when your dying I hope you remember the time you spent invested in your hating. SMH all the things you could have been doing instead, ending world hunger, saving kittens, praying for the LORD to remove the hate from your heart #JesusTakeTheWheel
UPDATE:
I made it up the hill this afternoon!!!. Day Seven. I am so friggin happy!!!!
I nearly died when the adrenaline high wore off two blocks away and I had to stop on a corner to get my breath. but that's another story and I MADE IT UP THE HILL!!!!
baby steps to big steps.
Congrats on making it up the hill! Those goals can be the hardest, but getting there brings the sweetest feeling.
Caprice & Renee- Seriously? She just posted after the longest while and you felt the need to jump on and be nasty? Internet thugs, you both need hugs.
LOL! This story is funny to me. Depending on what the guy said that made her tell you "he was trying to help" I can see this happening to me. I find myself getting "snapped on because some STRANGER interprets the way I respond as negative.
This past weekend I was in Vegas with a group of friends. A STRANGER stops us on the strip to talk about giving him a tip for passes to a club (we'd already receieved the passes for FREE) and gave a spill on why we should tip and went on to explain since we're black we only wants $20 tip. At this point I walk away because
a.dont come at me with that black vs. white BS bc you're black out here SELLING FREE passes you probably stole making US look bad.
b. a tip is not a certain amount of $$ that you demand
After I walked away, his homeboy (stranger #2) made it his business to come tell me how terrible my attitude is- I just let him talk then after he was finished walked away. Homeboy then made it his business to go tell my friends how terrible my attitude is.
You got up the hill today. GOOD JOB!
Good work on that hill! Reading the account of your progress reminds me of the stories people tell when trasitioning from running indoors, on a treadmill, to pavement. The first week is hell, but something happens after that and you look up and you're flowing with traffic, pacing up the hills like a pro, then you look up and notice the physical changes. You're in for a good "ride." Keep it up!
BELLE NOTE: this reader has been blocked due to her immaturity. Rude comments will not be tolerated on abelleinbk.com
congrats! i always remember that 'you eat an elephant bit by bit' line. you were so nice and gracious when I met you...your successful *shrug* of course folks gonna hate!
congrats on that hill girl!!! im inspired now to run this 5k on my birthday here in detroit. wish me luck!!!