Essence.com: Misogyny Gone Wild
Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 10:00AM Earlier this week I was perusing The Root when a headline among the site’s top stories caught my eye: “Misogyny Is the New I Love You.” It was an article about Kanye’s new single, “Perfect Bitch,” which he’s said is about his latest love interest, Kim Kardashian. She’s said that she’s flattered by the song and that Yeezy meant “bitch” in the “nicest” way possible. Okay. Whatever. I’m not here to talk about that.
What I do want to address is why the title caught my eye. I’ve been thinking a lot about male privilege and, well, the misogyny that seems to accompany it lately. I’ve often said that while a lot of men like having sex with women (i.e., they are heterosexual), they don’t actually like women. Attracted to them? Yes. Pursuing sex or relationships with them? Of course. But actually finding them deserving of respect or perceiving them as equals? Not so much. This mindset is revealed in the way so many men — but by no means all — speak of women and treat them.
Until last year, I’d spent the better part of one of my weekend mornings in the barbershop. I needed both sides of my hair shaved, and I could pay a stylist $40 for a cut, or a barber $15 including a tip (which was $5 more than he charged men, but so be it). I sat quietly, waiting for my turn, pretending to play with my phone and trying to be inconspicuous since I was invading male space. Mostly, I listened to the guys talk, using “bitch,” “ho” and its supposedly better euphemism “female,” and other synonyms for “woman.” Only the most enlightened among them would apologize for his vulgarity in my presence after he dropped one of the offensive bombs.
Flashback: A few months ago, I’m heading to the gym. I get off the train in downtown Brooklyn, minding my business and not meaning to overhear the two guys walking in front of me. But I can’t ignore them. One is talking about a woman — “this whore,” as he keeps referring to her. She did something to not tickle his fancy and he’s dismayed. His friend commiserates with him about how “these bitches out here ain’t worth [expletive].” I turn my headphones up.
Last month, I’m leaving a party and headed home with some friends who live nearby. The driver among us, an associate, is headed our way and offers us all a ride. As we’re getting in the car, a woman on her way to work approaches to ask if he can hold on a sec on pulling out so that she can park her car in our legal space. We wait for all of 30 seconds for her to zip back around before the driver wonders aloud, with me and my girls in the back seats, “Where is this bitch?” It rolls off his tongue like “bitch” is the woman’s given name.
Reader Comments (1)
Just as women can be misguided and confused and be the victim of absorbing mis-education from her surrounding familiy, community and the media at large, so can men. Some men young and old are taking their emotional, psychological and intellectual views from their favorite rapper. Their favorite rapper who glorifies "thug life" "witches and woes" and the drug game. They are barely above knuckle dragging and though its best to ignore them you just want to say , "damn". I also question mens', who are overtly disrespectful to women sexuality.
Mister Cee a popular NYC based DJ had a club repertoire of singling out a young woman out clubbing and calling her bitch hoe and you name it and embarrasing the ish out the said person. I thought it was an isolated incident until my sister went to another party he was at and he did the same thing. Little did we know @ the time, he was a repressed homosexual who took his anger and confusion over not being able to be free to love another man out on women.
Belle, I know their are better men out there and usually the ones being disrespectful do so due their insecurities on what they lack and how they have failed themselves in life. Women especially black women are easy targets because we are in the community with them, in the home with them and other than jail time which some of them are already accustomed to their are no repercussions b/c we as women will love our men to a fault and will defend them tooth and nail even when its at our own expense