I had a post all ready to go this morning. I sent it to my Belle-box (I write them on my BB on the commute to and from work, but have not figured out how to post from that thing. Gosh, I miss my Pocket PC- RIP great phone) and was pulling it up to post here when I discovered today's little gem waiting to be read.
Now let me give you the background on the writer. Great WOMAN. I met her a couple summers back during brunch on the rooftop of the now-closed BED (best brunch in the city), thought she was cool as hell, then found out she’s JUST graduated from college.
“You’re 23?” I blurted incredulously.
Indeed she was. But she hangs out with grown women, was clearly raised (not just “came up,” there’s a difference) and no one would ever guess that she was about four years younger than the crew she rolls with . Usually you can tell the difference in ages too. Anyway, it’s been a pleasure to hang out with her and watch her continue to grow into something even more beautiful. She’s learning lessons at a young age that I wish I had picked up at 25. I hate to imagine how much farther along I could be in my growth. *Sigh* But that’s life.
I’ve been working on an idea for a very similar post, but I couldn’t get the words right to say exactly what I wanted. She’s pretty much summed it up here.
Reading your blog has provided the platform for what I'll call, "the re-education of me.” Mama didn't raise no fool, so I'm a smart girl though I don’t always act like it. Even still, this “smart-ness” always helps me figure out (after the fact) when, where and why I started to travel down paths which will eventually lead to my extreme frustration.
Anyhoo, my word of the day is EFFORT. A relationship does NOT work without this being actively exercised by BOTH participating parties. Not saying that relationships can't exist without it (because the existence of a relationship without it is what has led to this long rant) but without DUAL EFFORT, in my world, they're bound to fail.
I have learned a few things in the past couple of weeks. Allow me to share:
I’ve spent a lot of time putting in EFFORT to prove to someone what should already be crystal-clear: I am a 10, perfect in all my imperfectness and in a total, always growing and developing, package. While it is important for a man to know that the shorty he is dealing with is a "10," as they say, it is also important for a woman NOT to exercise all of her dime qualities too soon. Save the sincerities, kindness, affections and home cooked meals for after HE has put in EFFORT and shown that he is worthy of your "ten-ness." If he’s smart, he should understand that 10 is only the tip of the iceberg. 100 is only a hop, skip, jump and maybe a few sprints, around the corner and down the block—if he puts in the EFFORT.
Do NOT excuse what is unacceptable. For example, you say, "honey, you know I love spending time with you and coming over to your apartment is fine but we're going to have to spend some time at my place as well.” Lover Boy responds: "yes honey, I know and, I will." This of course never happens because he always has a wide variety of excuses as to why his apartment is more convenient. If you give him an inch, he will take it all the way to the goal line. Block that BS before it gets past center circle.
Do NOT settle for unacceptable behavior because you love him or brother is fine or you don't want to be lonely or the, sex is amazing or you love his family, etc. This s the golden rule that we always KNOW is true but sometimes takes us forever to incorporate. By settling, I compromise my worth and at a certain point HE must realize (and if he's the A/B combo he'll already know) that it’s going to take some EFFORT to not only get me, but to keep me.
P.S. Lover Boy just texted to ask why I'm not sitting beside him- AT HIS HOUSE!!! I'm tempted to text him back with one single word....say it with me, EFFORT!