The Guardian: FLOTUS Hits Her Stride in Second Term

In recent weeks, we've been treated to a new side US First Lady Michelle Obama. She's always been likable – her approval rating hovers at close to 70% – but now that she no longer has to consider how her image impacts her husband's chances at re-election, Mrs Obama has become more comfortable in her role as FLOTUS. Since January, she's been more relaxed, more public, and appears to be having more fun.

On her 49th birthday in January, just days before President Barack Obama's second Inauguration, Mrs Obama cut bangs into the sleek chin length bob she's sported for years. Immediately, her new hairstyle became a national conversation. Later, she joked that the decision was a "mid-life crisis".

In February, FLOTUS appeared in a hilarious skit, "The Evolution of Mom Dancing", where she bumped hips with late-night TV host Jimmy Fallon. The pair goofed off, doing silly dances like "The Hands Only Part of [Beyonce's] Single Ladies". Toward the end of the gag, Mrs Obama danced solo, doing an impressive version of "the Dougie", a hugely popular dance among American teens. The same week, she appeared on a broadcast of the Oscars wearing a sparkling Naeem Khan gown as she presented the Best Picture Award to Argo.

Of course, these appearances have not gone without criticism. Writing for The Washington Post, columnist Courtland Milloy was appalled by the First Lady's "booty-shaking" on Fallon and implied that appearing at "some Hollywood movie contest" was beneath Mrs Obama's position.

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Belle on The Root Live

(The Root) -- For the Feb. 19 taping of The Root Live, about making the leap and switching careers, host Harriette Cole -- who knows a bit about this topic herself -- talked to Marie Johns, deputy administrator with the U.S. Small Business Administration; Demetria L. Lucas, entrepreneur, author of A Belle in Brooklyn and columnist; and Brandice Henderson, owner of Harlem's Fashion Row. 

Watch a portion of the webisode above. , and tune in Monday at noon for the next segment.

Maybe I'm Crazy (33, The Belated Birthday Post)

At 32, I wrote about not finding that fine line between between being a brand and being well, me. I never figured out which side to fall on. In fact, I’m more confused now than ever. I just habitually line step and hope for the best.

There was a time when I could say what I wanted with out much clapback other than a call from my father about the number of f-bombs I drop.  I was essentially a fart in a mitten, the term once used to describe the societal usefulness of Paris Hilton. I was mostly writing for myself to get the thoughts out of my head so I could sleep at night.

Over time, I’ve been fortunate enough to have people give a f*** (sorry, Dad), which is a blessing and a curse (more on that later). A blessing for the obvious reason—I love what I do and I can do it from anywhere. Writing has brought me a freedom, professionally and personally, that I never imagined. On good days, I marvel at how I operate. The idea of sharing my thoughts and being paid for what I love doing from anywhere in the world? Every time I deposit a check, I’m amazed. 

I listen to Alicia Keys’s new album a lot. On "Brand New Me", she sings “It took a long, long road to get here/it took a brave, brave girl to try.” The long, long road? I get that. But I don’t think of myself as brave. More like risky. I wonder how long this lasts. I’m sure about today. It’s the tomorrows that occasionally keep me up late.

The curse is my doubts. I like to think of myself as a hustler—not the get over kind, more like put in work. I met with the publisher of Uptown once, my hustle icon. And he told me when you work for yourself, “you eat what you kill.” When my back is against the wall, I kill. I like that about me. 

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The Root: I Want To Sell My House. Why Is He Mad?

"My fiance is mad because I'm putting my house that we live in on the market, simply because I bought it, and I would like us to buy something together. Yet I can tell he's crazy insecure with it being mine. I feel I can't win. Advice?" --R.T.

Ma'am, your fiance has every right to be "mad" -- furious, even -- and pissed off to the highest level. What you are attempting to do is just dead wrong.

Let me make this plain so there's no misunderstanding: You cannot sell this house without him being on board and still expect him to be your fiance, much less your man. If you sell it and he leaves -- which he is likely to do -- everyone but you will understand why he did. 

You're treating your fiance as if he's your son. He is not your kid. He is your man. And not just some random man, but the man whose ring you accepted when he asked you to build a life with him. He is the man you invited to live in your home as you both plan your marriage ceremony.

He's done his part to show you that he is serious about committing to you and building a life with you. If, at this point, you honestly do not feel that he deserves the courtesy of having you take into consideration his objection to your selling the house where he also lives, then you do not need to marry him -- or, for that matter, anyone else.

I understand that your name is on the mortgage, and technically it is your home. You are very correct about that. However, he is your fiance and you live together. You are trying to make an "I" decision when you are in a "we" partnership.

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The Grio: Is the Pressure to Be Perfect Undermining the Church?

“You’re a Christian, right?” a friend asked me recently.

Years ago, I would have given a knee-jerk, “Of course!” However these days, I find myself offering a long explanation, one that lays out my internal conflict with claiming Christianity without sounding like Judas.

I believe in God, pray multiple times daily — for myself and others, and the world at large. I read The Bible occasionally. I work out to a various selection of gospel songs, mostly classics that I was raised listening to or sang—a long time ago — in a church choir. I actually think, “what would Jesus do?” when I debate doing something that I have no business doing. I actively try to correct negative on-goings in my head, because I honestly believe God knows my thoughts. But I intentionally don’t go to church anymore and I’ve actively stopped referring to myself as a “Christian.”

Somewhere along the way, it seems that to some — certainly not all — Christians being Christian became synonymous with being perfect. Last week, Real Housewives of Atlanta co-star Kandi Burruss released her first gospel single, “Stay Prayed Up” featuring gospel great Marvin Sapp and was swiftly derided by other Christians for what they deemed her un-Christian-like ways, including a sex toy business, a racy radio show and speaking openly about having sex with her live-in fiancé. “I knew when I decided to do it that I would be criticized,” Burruss wrote on Instagram. “I believe in God but I have always struggled with the rules of the church, just like a lot of people.”

That same week, NBA player Dwight Howard, also a self-described Christian, took a few verbal jabs for declaring he wanted to “raise the name of God within the league and throughout the world.” Howard is rumored to have as many as five children out-of-wedlock by as many women. Tracey Edmonds, who was once accused of being a mistress of ex- NFL star Deon Saunders (an allegation she swiftly denied), also raised a few eyebrows when she recently announced she would launch a TV network “with Christian values.”

I’m not here to debate whether Burruss or Edmond or Howard are good-Christians or pick apart their alleged shortcomings. Frankly, I have too many of my own to concentrate on rather than harping on those of others. Still, I would like to suggest that people who aren’t perfect should not be derided for professing Christianity. The pressures of being a “perfect” Christian are more likely to turn people away from God than to bring people who are faulty, flawed and trying anyway into the fold.

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Clutch: 10 Things Every Non-Black Person Should Know (By Now) About Black Women

We’re more than a decade into the 21st century. I’d hoped– in vain– that some basic understandings of how non-Black people should interact with Black people could be something I could take for granted. But no. Somehow there are “those people” who remain entirely clueless, so much so that they will call a 9-year old the c-word, or paint a white model bronze-Black, or not even, as so-called, journalists, bother to learn the pronunciation of an Oscar nominee’s name. This is unacceptable.

Recently, I read the comments section of a post on Clutch where a male reader was baffled as how to initiate a conversation with Black women and asked for some rules. Several helpful women obliged. In the same spirit of combating ignorance, I offer rules for non-Black people to  engage Black women without causing offense. If you can manage NOT to do the following, you can probably come across as a decent human being.

Humbly, I submit a basic list, my Rules of Engagement, and ask you NOT to do the following: 

1. Talk Bad About (Black) Kids
It seems ridiculous that this has to be said, much less lead the list. I’d assumed everyone knew better, but apparently not. (And you know what “they say” about assuming.) Look here, dissing kids – all kids, of all races, creeds, and color is UNACCEPTABLE. You want to talk greasy about your own kids? Eh… still unacceptable. Kids are off-limits. Period.

2. Touch Our Hair
I know our hair– braided, permed, natural, whatever– is pretty great. We treat it like art because we can and well, it is.  However, it is never, ever, EVER okay to touch the hair of a random Black woman you’ve just encountered or even the familiar Black woman who you share the cubicle with. The world is not your personal petting zoo. Black people are, well, people. DO NOT TOUCH US (without permission).

3. Mispronounce Our Names/ Rename Us
Look, all Black folk don’t have multi-hypenate names. We have Janes, Marys and Beths too. And somehow our single syllabic sisters learn how to pronounce names like La’Taquisha, Marquaysa, Taiwanas, etc. You know what our secret is? Lean closer.

WE ASK.

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