BLOG

Essence: Whitney's Gone But Not Forgotten

Belle — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 17:20:15 +0000

Over the weekend, we finally said a proper goodbye to Whitney Houston.

Hold up: That's no diss to the Grammys last week, or to host LL Cool J (who appropriately opened the show with a prayer) or Jennifer Hudson (who held down an emotional rendition of "I Will Always Love You”). The Grammys simply had unfortunate timing, going live just a day after Whitney's shocking death. Producers did their best to assemble a tribute that honored Whitney's memory, but many viewers (including me) were grieving hard and tuned in to the show hoping for the impossible -- closure -- only to be... honestly? Disappointed. Anything short of turning over the entire night to remembering Whitney would have left most of us wanting more.

So while we waited for closure, we played out our Whitney CDs and watched the Hulu clips of all of our favorite Whitney videos and performances -- like her last turn alongside Kelly Price on “Yes, Jesus Loves Me,” her epic rendition of the national anthem, or clips from her films. And we read behind-the-scenes accounts of Whitney’s life from her friends, including bestie Robyn Crawford, who recalled the best of Nippy up close.

By Friday night, fans were as ready as we were ever going to be to celebrate Whitney’s life. At the NAACP Image Awards that evening, Yolanda Adams set it off with a bring-the-house-down rendition of "I Love the Lord.”

Then on Saturday, of course, was Whitney's official memorial service, which aired via live stream from her hometown of Newark, NJ. Between Tyler Perry, Bishop T.D. Jakes, and the Rev. Marvin Winans in the pulpit, it was the closest thing you’ll ever get to a straight-up Sunday-morning service, broadcast to millions around the world. Stevie Wonder remixed the lyrics to "Ribbon in the Sky," Alicia Keys threw down on the piano, Kevin Costner recounted her apprehension during the filming of The Bodyguard, and even R. Kelly showed up to sing “I Look to You,” which he wrote specifically for Whitney. (For the many folk wondering why a man with Kellz's history was at the funeral, it was at a church. Can you think of a better place for him to be?)

"This is the Blackest four hours ever on CNN," wrote one of my Twitter followers.

Read more: here

Essence: Parents Go Wild Over Social Media

Belle — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 17:17:42 +0000

I've said for years that there's no amount I could be paid to be a teenager again (or, really, any age under 30). I say that for all the obvious reasons: I don’t have to be (as) accountable to my parents, I can be independent, and I’m emotionally stable, with hormones I know how to control. But I'm also grateful because there's no way that, as a teenager, I could deal with the looming vices of social media and rampant technology.

Full confession: I did A LOT of dumb stuff as a teenager, probably just like you, and much like many teenagers right now. But even if you know about that bad behavior, you'll never be able to prove it. Can teens now say that?

Not so much. The feverish way many teens share their thoughts (even the "dirty laundry"), pictures and videos drives their parents nuts, and makes the task of raising kids that age even harder than it already is. This has been evidenced most recently in a viral video about a dad who shot (yes, with a .45) his daughter's laptop for her misbehavior on Facebook, and the hubbub over young girls who tweeted some variation of "Chris Brown can beat me" after his Grammy performance earlier this week. And those stories come after last year's video of a Black father beating his daughter's cell phone with a baseball bat after he caught her sexting, and another popular video of an uncle wailing on a teenage boy after he discovered the child was fake-thugging on Facebook.

Lord knows I understand the parents' reactions, even if extreme. It’s frustrating to bend over backwards to teach your kid some brought-upsie, then watch them act a fool in public like you haven't been on your job. (Because you know the first question people ask when they see a teen acting a fool: "Where were his/her parents?") But I wonder if the anger and focus are in the right place.

Read more: here

Essence: Too $hort Goes Too Far

Belle — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:24:37 +0000

Unfortunately, I’m accustomed to the casual sexism of hip-hop. Like many women, I have an internal conflict with liking what is ultimately offensive, a sentiment documented in Joan Morgan’s 2000 tome, “When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost.” As a woman raised on, “Money, Cash, Hoes,” I loathed the chorus but still found a way to enjoy the lyrics and dance to the beat -- it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers.

But Too $hort -- remember him? -- and hip-hop magazine XXL managed to do just that. Last week, via Twitter, Morgan brought my attention to a video that XXL posted on its site where $hort, now 45, offers a bit of “fatherly advice” to young men in “late middle school, early high school.”

The video has since been removed, but the transcripts include such golden nuggets from $hort like suggesting, “A lot of the boys are going to be running around trying to get kisses from the girls, we’re going way past that. I’m taking you to the hole… This is what you do. You push her up against the wall or pull her up against you while you lean on the wall and you take your finger and put a little spit on it and you stick your finger in her underwear and you rub it on there and watch what happens. It’s like magic.”

What the heezy?

Read more: here

The Root: Getting V-Day Romance Every Day!

Belle — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:08:10 +0000

I had an amazing Valentine's Day! My man went overboard with the gifts, affection, attention and love! Can every day be Feb. 14? No, really! I have a great man who loves me hard and I appreciate him, but he's not as romantic as I would like him to be. How do I keep up this romantic momentum in my relationship? --G.R.

Big congrats to you! I'm glad you had a great day. By the nature of what I do as a life coach and dating and relationship expert, people usually come to me when they're in crisis or need things fixed. Post-Valentine's Day, I'm getting a lot of stories from women who were disappointed on Tuesday.

Like all other holidays, Valentine's Day tends to let you know loud and clear where you stand with your significant other. Feb. 14 might be a "Hallmark holiday," but everyone knows it's a test. As you can imagine, no one's happy when a partner doesn't pass. I'm happy that your man did -- and with flying colors, by the sound of it.

For the most part, Valentine's Day is when women are showered with gifts and gestures of romance. For men? Not so much. They know they're expected to go above and beyond on Feb. 14, and the ones who don't want any problems from their lady (or ladies, in some cases) aim to exceed expectations. I totally get why you'd want every day to be all about you and to be showered with affection, attention and gifts on a daily basis, but frankly, even on a weekly schedule, it's unrealistic.

Men put a lot into Valentine's Day, more than women tend to realize. It will be beneficial to your relationship if you manage your expectations when it comes to gifting. In 2012 Americans spent $17.6 billion on Valentine's Day, with the average guy expected to drop $168.74 on his woman, according to the National Retail Federation's annual survey. Those numbers are a new high over the past decade. Frankly, the average guy can't afford to do that daily or weekly.

But if what you're looking for is the affection and attention instead of the gifts, your odds are much better. Communicate with your man by asking for what you want. He gets a million cultural cues to know what you expect on Valentine's Day. But if you've been silent on what else you expect or would like from him, he's probably clueless, especially if you've seemed fine with the way things have been going in the relationship thus far.

Read more: here

Essence: Hitting the Strip Club with Your Man

Belle — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 14:58:06 +0000

Last week, Ne-Yo, one of my favorite R&B singers, caused a mini-uproar when pictures surfaced online of him (and the mother of his two children, Monyetta Shaw) enjoying the festivities at an Atlanta strip club. Perhaps he was celebrating his new job as senior vice president of at Motown Records, his new label home. Whatever the reason, Ne-Yo and his lady were shown dropping stacks on stacks on stacks on their female entertainment.

Depending on which site you saw the pictures, some commenters were highly amused by the way Ne-Yo and his lady spent their night on the town, and recounted their own stories of hitting up the strip club with their men. Others were highly disturbed, scandalized even, that a man in a relationship patronized a strip club, much less with his significant other. And they didn’t hesitate to let Ne-Yo know.

Ne-Yo seemed baffled by the uproar when he addressed the issue with ESEENCE.com: “I don't feel like I did anything wrong... It really doesn't make any sense to me,” he said. (That was the PC response. On Twitter, he hilariously wrote: "Don't like it? Mind ya damn business!")

Uh… I’m with Ne-Yo on this one. The only thing “wrong” was that the pictures got out, and I don’t hold him responsible for that. He’s in the shots; it’s not like he took them. But it looked to me like an adult night out at an adult establishment, and both parties seemed to be enjoy the evening. What exactly is the problem?

Read more: here