Everyone Is Asking the Wrong Questions About the Ray Rice Video

Ray Rice and his fiancee, Janay Palmer

Ray Rice and his fiancee, Janay Palmer

“PSA of the day … If you spit in a man’s face, you deserve to get knocked out. Man, woman or child. Period!”

This was a friend’s Facebook status on the day the news broke that Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice and his fiancee, Janay Palmer, had both been charged with simple assault after they were involved in a domestic dispute while visiting an Atlantic City casino over Valentine’s Day weekend. Rumor had it that Palmer had spit on Rice, and Rice had reacted. To what degree he reacted was anyone’s guess, at that time. Rice’s lawyer initially—and in hindsight, bafflingly—described the event as a “very minor physical altercation,” as if there were some way for a couple to lay hands on each other that wasn’t bad.

Good ole TMZ came through with footage of the aftermath to that dispute. “Very minor”? Hardly. Grainy video showed Rice dragging his unconscious fiancee from the elevator and discarding her facedown on a carpeted hallway. He seems not to want to be bothered, and even more so when he is approached by hotel security. As the woman comes to, he drags her around some more, seemingly annoyed. The first thing I wondered is, what happened to her?

Police supposedly are in possession of a video that shows Rice allegedly delivering the blow that knocked his fiancee out cold.

I’ve been following this story for days to find out what happened to Palmer and how she’s doing. No one seems to care much about her, despite us all being under the impression that her man—and father of her child—played Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out on her and then dragged her across a dirty elevator floor and into a hallway as if she were trash. I mean, the man is a professional athlete. He cared so little that he couldn’t even pick her up. The only update came from a Ravens spokesman, who said the couple “returned home together after being detained.”

Really? Is that the best place for a woman who allegedly just got knocked out by her man? A woman doesn’t just bounce back from that like nothing happened. Who is going to nurse her back to health and make sure she’s OK? Him?!

In the aftermath, all the talk in the news was about whether Rice will get to keep his job with the Ravens and how much it will cost the team to let him go. Oh, and there were some who were minimizing the issue. The Baltimore Ravens’ general manager called the allegations “concerning” and said it “doesn’t look good.” You think?

On social media, there were plenty of statements like those from my Facebook friend justifying why it’s OK for a man to hit a woman or wondering what he said to get spit on, which in turn made him punch. Everyone was talking about this couple as though they were avatars, and someone else was in control of them and they were not responsible for their own actions.

It doesn’t matter what he said. She shouldn’t have spit on him. And while it’s profoundly disrespectful, it’s not an excuse to knock your fiancee out cold and drag her across a floor. What is this an excuse for, though? For this couple to part ways.


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This Post Has 20 Comments

  1. tmlockez says:

    Wow…isn’t spitting on someone a form of assault? And I’m sure this is the way they roll in their relationship. Good, bad, or indifferent …thats their thing. Women have to NOT be okay with ANY domestic violence. It’s not okay for anyone to touch another person, period. No one should get a pass, ever. Men should walk away from women who don’t know how to act, forever. Women should walk away from men who don’t know how to act, forever. Once is too many times…sorry.

    • Wil says:

      AMEN!! so sick of people saying men shouldn’t hit women in a one sided manner. The truth is ADULTS SHOULD NOT HIT OR ASSAULT PERIOD!!!!! Gender is inconsequential when it comes to violation of another’s rights. I’m not condoning hitting women just as I equally feel women shouldn’t assault men. We teach our children to resolve their issues without physical confrontation, but why is it that we can’t follow the example we ask them to follow

    • C.Redd says:

      Excuse me, but why is it ok for women to act improperly?

  2. MCouture says:

    I am disgusted by this story and how things turned out. To spit in his face for whatever reason is one

    thing, but to knock her out and drag her!?!? So sad that it doesn’t surprise me that she’s still with

    him. It says a lot about her for staying and a lot about him for feeling ok with that. Such a sign of

    weakness on both parts.

    Thanks for the update!

  3. This was sad to see, but not shocking. Been coaching pro athletes including working with some of the Ravens guys and sadly a lot of them don’t know how to manage the mix of fame, money and relationship drama, and their ego. Think this is a prime example. Sad.

    • Moi says:

      That’s bull, people are taught right from wrong at a very young age. Stop indulging these men who get to hit ne mall day then turn around and practice on their women at home.

  4. nicole says:

    As much as we have to teach our sons not to commit acts of violence we have to teach our daughters the same. Working with 12 year Olds I see girl who commit acts of violence against boys and then humiliate them as well but when the Boys FINALLY Retaliate (Sometimes AFTER Several acts) IT’S THE Boys Who Are disciplined…..Both Need To Know the severity of Their actions.

  5. Lillian says:

    It all was wrong. My father always taught me that a man should never lay hands on a woman. But, he also taught me if you’re big enough to give, you’re big enough to get. The act of spitting on someone is so vile and disgusting it’s ridiculous, it may have been a knee-jerk reaction. But he is a MAN! In stating that, he is supposed to have more restraint, he is supposed to access his surroundings, and act accordingly. I’m not taking away from what she did, I’m just saying he is SUPPOSED to be a MAN…

  6. Spitting? ON someone? Someone = the man you intend to MARRY? Really!!! Knocking your FIANCEE out cold and then DRAGGING her? And both of you go home TOGETHER?!!!

    I’m so done.

    p.s. I would rather live in a shoe box then go home with that guy…

  7. When it comes to athletes, I’ve heard it said more than once that you can’t expect to pay/train someone to act like a barbarian on the field and expect them to act a different way off the field. Football is a VERY aggressive sport and as such, football players tend to be VERY aggressive people.

    That being said, what was caught on camera is most assuredly NOT the first time they’ve had an experience like this. Especially if she went home with him. I’m willing to bet that they both have personal self-worth issues. A woman who knows/believes/understands that she deserves better would not accept this type of behavior and if this is how they acts as a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance – God bless them both after the vows are said.

  8. jessd says:

    No a man is never supposed to hit a woman, but like someone said before me, spitting on someone is honestly that vile that I’m not shocked he hit her in reaction. People always expect men to be moral saints and have all the restraint in the world not to react when a woman pushes them to a limit, but I’m a realist. Not every man has that kind of restraint, and that’s not necessarily because of up bringing, but more so how they are as a person and how much patience they have.

    Like I said before NO MAN IS EVER SUPPOSED TO HIT A WOMAN. But be smart enough to understand not every man has the same restraint when you assault them.

    Because honestly, if you spit in my face, I’m going to react and hit you.

    But funny enough, I don’t think this is the first time they’ve been physical with each other.

    • Razard says:

      Ok first of all this blind notion that a man is NEVER supposed to hit a women is BS!
      There ARE times a man is SUPPOSED to hit her! If a women attacks a man with a deadly object, pretty categories all the various reasons he would need to hit her. It is true a man in GENERAL SHOULD NOT HIT A WOMEN, but when you go around preaching that expect some women to test the limits of that theory. At the end of the day instead of saying who should be allowed to hit who, just say nobody is allowed to hit anybody.
      In life we do not need to play favorites, we should seek and train each other to respect all
      of humanity.

  9. OsmildaV says:

    If he knocked her out why did they release them together? That is just ridiculous. He could have hurt her again. No matter what happened he shouldn’t have knocked her out. He should have just walked away! Both are at fault but he took it to extreme. She is stupid if she stays with him after this. God bless them both. We need to pray for them.

  10. Nursedeeva says:

    Ok we all agree to spit on anyone is the ultimate disrespect . But do we really think this is the first time this foolishness has happen between them! Ummm…No…this has probably been their relationship from the start! They both need to separate! And hope to become better people in hopes to be better parents!

  11. Brittany. L says:

    Wait what…. This is crazy like he punched her in her face and started dragging her across the floor nah that’s disgusting I hope he get jail time or something or loses his job.

  12. finally someone with sense commenting on this story. I have been saying the same thing since the video came out.

  13. I see people saying he’s suppose to be the “Man”, she’s suppose to be the lady! You can’t go spit on someone your suppose to love then be mad that you got knocked out. I’m sure his intention was not to knock her out but, he was letting it be known that the spit game ain’t happening. I understand that, we can’t say if a man does this or that if you accept it then he is going to continue to do it, he was not letting being spit on slide. If she was that mad then she should have gone for air, but I don’t feel like it’s ok to spit on someone and not expect a reaction! She wanted a reaction and she got one, that doesn’t mean there aren’t ‘t consequences for both of their actions but he has more to lose than her.

  14. John says:

    What annoys me is women go on about equal rights except when it doesn’t benefit them..case in point..domestic violence..women think it’s acceptable to attack a man and he can’t defend himself or retaliate. Janay and Ray Rice were BOTH wrong and they BOTH should have been charged. That would be equality.

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