Girl you write wicked! Just read ur blog. Awesome stuff. Now...
Combining the ideas of lists, adulthood and measurement of self worth by material things, IMO, lists are good up till a certain point. They remind you of what you can and cannot compromise on. They offer you some kind of support or framework. I know that i have my list of what is (not ) acceptable in my life in terms of men, eg he has to be church going. I will not compromise on that. Anything else goes. I'm open to diversity. Random example. As for the relationship based on the CV, it can only take you so far. Sure, he has the prestigious educational background, and financial success, but if he does not meet ur criteria as a man/human being, then what ever. Happiness is a long shot. Buy me love, money (degrees, cars, big house, prestige, etc) can't buy me love.

People use "credentials", when they don't know how to gauge character, because they are tangible and can be measured. When people speak about who they are (or their mate is), whether they speak about degrees, money, financial accomplishment or material possessions vs honesty, work ethic, responsibility, accountability, lifestyle (and I don't mean financial, I mean if you're health conscious and your mate is, etc.)... will tell you a lot about that person and their chances for success.

If you couldn’t use titles to describe yourself, what would you say? Who are you?</>

Excellent ideas and very appropriate questions. I didn't start thinking like this until the last 3 years. Prior to that I was too busy chasing my credentials. Once I had them, I realized they weren't all that satisfying and certainly didn't truly "represent" all that I am.

Good Read. However I felt like several heavy topics were combined into one (the abandonment of lists, the importance of our accolades, how we describe ourselves & what we should really be seeking in a mate), which makes it difficult for me to deliver a concentrated reply.

What I will say though is that I really connected with this statement:

"If you couldn’t use titles to describe yourself, what would you say? Who are you?"

I would love for all of my friends (and myself too) to answer this statement as a self awareness exercise.
The majority of them rely heavily on their college affiliations to represent who they are and what they stand for.
It's almost like they hide behind it. But hey they are in good company!!
I find that many students of HBCU's or Top Tier Schools put on the same dog and pony show.

It's the new "business card" and to be honest I use those same affiliations as a means of gauging them too.

I mean, why else would you pay almost 20k a year to go to a private institution with very little diversity?

Clearly there is a need for the rest of the world to understand something about you that we would otherwise not be able to envision, if you didn't illustrate it. Kinda like body art.

But truly I don't have a problem with that all...in fact I do the same because I also need for people to understand something about me when I tell them that I didn't go to a HBCU or a Yale-like affiliate.

@EQ: $20K? Try $80K. Which is probably why folks are so proud of their degrees. Cause they'll be paying for them forever. But I think it's a good exercise. So here are some things about Brandon St. Randy:

-I am kind and loyal to my friends
-I like pets
-I'm a big family person
-I have a very strong moral code, and expect people I deal with to do the same. I have little tolerance for that gray area people try to enter where they know they're doing wrong but justify it.
-I am an excellent cook
-I am a terrible cleaner
-I am impulsive and adventurous. I likely should marry a woman who's thoughtful and takes care in her decisions.
-I look at money as a great convenience and as a way to make it easier to push through your happiness. Having had a lot of money and very little money, they don't feel THAT different. One's just less stressful.
-I'm very women's lib but I'm a little traditional at home.

Now you all try it!

Great Post!!! I have friends that can't understand why I'm with my current boyfriend because we're the name referring to degrees, finances, & materialistic things. I'm with him because he's involved in the church and community, helpful to about anybody, and he listens & comforts me when I have problems as opposed to being judgemental or pushing advice down my throat.

I used to only date guys that were at the same place as me with career, but it wasn't working, so I broaden "my requirements". No offense to the good guys with degrees and such, but I felt I had better dating experiences with people who didn't have a degree or a high social/economic status than the ones that did. I just felt we had more interesting things to talk about and they were just as intelligent as someone with a degree.

I love your response Brandon. I think for now on, my first question for guys is tell me about yourself without naming your college(s), job, financial status, etc.

*we're not the same referring* sorry for the mistype

go neems go neems! ahahah I haven't read this yet cuz I'm swamped at work but I always click on your gchat links lol.

I really love this post.

It made me go over to imeem just so I could play Bey's EGO while I typed my response.

The truth of the matter is that if you place high value on your professional and educational titles - if those are the things in your mind that make you feel better than other people (everyone has something their ego clings to - mine is nonconformity) - you'll need to find those things in your mate. Otherwise you will be forced to question your own awesomeness. Not many people are capable of doing that.

Unfortunately, it also causes people to spend too much time on the superficial and not enough time finding individuals that truly embody the characteristics necessary to be a good mate.

Kudos to the author!!

Who am I?
Social antagonist
Perpetual devils advocate.
Rugged individualist
Non-conformist, underachiever (to a fault)
Loyal, family/friend oriented, slacker committed to telling the truth.
Sensitive and nurturing foodie.
The Red Pill
Riddle Wrapped Enigma.
(I enjoyed this exercise)

"How you see yourself will always impact how you see others."

TRUTH if I've ever heard it!!!!!!!!!
This post made me think about when I was a kid, and a teacher would ask me to write down a description of myself. I would never hesitate to put things like "loyal, honest, loving, outgoing, talkative". And when reading things I wrote as a kid I'd laugh at how simplistic the list seemed. And now when someone asks me to tell them about myself without hesitation it goes "I went to college(here). A degree in (this). I work over at (here). Ultimately I'd like to (blank)." That says NOTHING about who I am as a person. Far too often we get caught up in the hype.

But I think to a certain degree this is what society wants from us. That's what is important to the world, so that's what we give. Being "caring and loyal" isn't enough anymore without the accompaniment of a masters degree. Hell, if you have a degree who needs the former? At least that is the attitude most carry. It all explains why so many people get the short end of the stick in romantic relationships, friendships, and even when choosing employees. we place too much emphasis on the resume' and not enough on the intent of heart.

Great post by the way! Adding Twenty-Something Renaissance to my favorites! :)

This is why I love Neems!!! And Thanks to Belle for shouting her out! And she's right: these accolades we claim are never enough to represent who you are. They are fun to have, I suppose, but your degree and your affiliates won't save your soul in the end, so why use them as a reflection of the soul/person you claim to be? Yeah, I feel it, Neems. CALI CREW!

Amazing post. It was this that spoke to me:

We are damn proud of our degrees, jobs, and affiliations because we invest a ton of time in these things. Some times we invest more than we should, and the only way we can possibly justify investing so much in things that won’t really matter when we are gone is by convincing the world that these things are great and necessary. By convincing the world, we convince ourselves.

I agree with this and I have so many friends who personify this and I can't say I don't fully understand why they do it.

I actually try very hard not to reference my educational resume outside of professional settings. In fact, I hate talking about where I went to high school (in some situations this would be a big deal) or undergrad or where I currently work or what my plans for graduate school are, outside of personal relationships (i.e. people who already know) or professional situations (i.e. people who need to know).

I'd MUCH rather a person get to know who I am without all that stuff because sometimes that stuff completely swallows the more relevant portions of my personality. Sure, I've been shaped by those things but they aren't the end-all be-all of it. I may not be WHERE I am without those things, but I'd surely be who I am; I've had far more important and relevant experiences outside of the classroom and the office.

I believe somewhere on this blog I commented once that I don't think it's fair for people to expect others to downplay their accomplishments. I stand by that belief, but I also think it's unnecessary for anyone to think that what you've done in a classroom, or on a field, or in your place of business is all there is to talk about. It's about separating stuff out and focusing on what makes you uniquely you -- the abilities you possess innately or have developed just by living your life.

Hmmm.. I understand the point - who we are is more important than what we do. But I'm not going to scoff at every person who tells me he works in finance before he tells me he's honest. In a way, learning what you do, where you went to school, etc. tells me something about you (especially what you do for a living - it's what you have chosen to do with your days day in and day out..). It gives me a reference, a background picture, better yet something to snag onto in order to propel the first-time conversation. That I'm kind, honest, sarcastic... those are the things that come out in my words and actions. Also, not everyone needs to even know that much up front (lol, I'm a bit guarded). However I do think that once the friendship begins to develop you need to have some solid answers/information on who the person really is, what motivates them, are they trustworthy, do they follow through, etc.

Wow Belle. I gotta truly say that this might be the best post I've ever read on your page. And that's saying a lot! This is exactly the point I've been trying to make for so long! It's not about what's on paper it's about someone's intentions, interests, and general being/personality. This is what ACTUALLY matters in relationships in my humble opinion. Yeah, a certain amount of money and of course sexual attraction must be there but this post pretty much sums up what really matters. I don't give a damn what someone pledged, what they drive, or what they wear. I don't even remember these things in my daily life. Whether or not they can continuously make me laugh, better me as a person, and get me interested in new things that I would've never thought I'd enjoy. Someone who can make themselves and me something new every couple of years. Otherwise monogamy turns into monotony and a chore as opposed to a special bond. I don't care about the accolades when I'm making my decision. Great post!

Mrs. BRG sounds like me! Non-conformists are the shit ;)

You hit the nail on the head by saying "get to know you". I think that those of a certain "pedigree" rely on accolades and material possessions as a measure of a person's worth because they don't know enough about themselves to rely upon anything else. A person's religious afilliation, education level, income level, net worth, wardrobe, or any other exterior appearance typically says very little about that person's personality.

"If you couldn’t use titles to describe yourself, what would you say? Who are you?"

I'm a man who believes that he is mentally, emotionally and spiritually grounded. I have a lot of patience and tolerance, but very little of that for inappropriate behavior. On a daily basis, I try to accept life on life's terms to the best of my ability. I live by the "Golden Rule". I try to keep an open mind. I have compassion for everyone. I dislike certain people, but I don't hate anyone. I think that I'm quite humble. I'm kind, but not weak. I'm as generous as I can be without feeling uncomfortable. I'm very punctual, but I tend to "bite off more than I can chew". I'm very health concious. I'm not a bigot, and I'm very low on the superficiality scale. I'm also very non-conformist.

Anybody have negative qualities? Those are the hardest to talk about.