Ask Belle Anything: Careers
Friday, November 20, 2009 at 11:20AM
Today we're playing Ask Belle Anything. Yesterday, I asked for folks with questions to send in whatever they wanted to know and promised nothing was off-limits.
We’re gonna have to do this over a few days as the questions poured in and I don’t want to do one massive post. We’ll go by topic. Today is "Careers" since that was the theme of most of the emails.
Oh, head's up:
How to move to NYC is a post in itself and I've been working on that for a minute. I'll tell you exactly what I did and how much I saved up (6Gs in 2002), how I found an apt in 3 days, etc. How to throw a Legends to Be Dinner/ Brunch, I'll address in a private email to all the askers unless a bunch of you want to know. There were some other posts where folks put a lot out there and I don't feel it's appropriate to blast on here— for their sake. I'll respond to those privately.
Okay: Careers...
Q: Where do you want to be in 5 years?
A: I'd like to be a best-selling author and a homeowner.
Q: How did you start your career and what would you recommend for an aspiring?
I started as a VIBE intern while I was in grad school at NYU. I was 20. I recommend an internship, a mentor, and not going into print media unless you're an author. Do broadcast, digital, screenplays, something that's not being destroyed daily like the Amazon rain forest.
Q: Why did you u decide not to pursue a career in Law?
A: I didn't really want to be a lawyer. It sounded good, made my parents smile, and I'm from MD/DC— everyone's a lawyer. I knew I didn't want to be a lawyer when I studied for the LSAT and when I took it. I knew when I was telling people that's what I wanted to be. Anyway, when I was about 25, I decided to actually go through with it (I hated my job; law school was an out) and went to tell my mentor—he's my grad school professor and a journalist/editor— what I was planning and he told me, "you're an idiot." I told him I thought I'd make a good lawyer. He told me, "you'd probably make a good crack dealer. That doesn't mean you should be one." He made me buy a book he'd written, "Should You Really Be A Lawyer?" I read the first chapter, realized I'd be bored to tears in law school and that God was trying to tell me something: ie don't be a lawyer. Oh, and I know a lot of lawyers. None of them like law.
Q: What feature story of yours do you look back on and see as a masterpiece and which one do you wish you could write over again?
A: I don't see anything that's been published in a magazine as a masterpiece. I actually hate reading my work after it's in print. I might read it once, maybe not, and then I put it away. I wrote on Twitter recently about framing the January '10 issue of The Magazine and someone wrote back, surprised I had nothing framed. Eh.. I probably won't frame January either. I wish I could re-write almost everything that's ever been published.
Q: I'd like to know which magazine you sent your first query letter to, as well 5 tips you have for approaching editors.
A: The Source.
I never really sent many query letters. I made friends with editors (I had a mentor who would literally take me by the hand at industry parties and take me up to people and say, "she's a great writer. You should work with her.") and they would call me or an editor would recommend me to another one and then she would call and offer me an assignment. I had no idea that was not the way it was done typically for years until I was listening to a talk by asha bandele and everyone was fascinated that's how she got her start. I was like, "oh, is that not how it's done?"
Tips:
*pitch it as what you can do for them/ the magazine vs. what you get in return
*don't send generic ideas
*tailor the pitch specifically to the audience of the magazine. The pitch should be in the voice of the magazine
*don't call unless you know the editor personally
*make sure its timely. Most monthly mags are scheduled 3-4 months in advance
Q: Person you'd most like to interview?
A: Oprah for obvious reasons. Then probably Wally Lamb or David Simon because I think they're the best writers alive.
Q: What motivational books do you recommend reading that offer advice on how to achieve your goals, become successful and live the life of your dreams?
A: Anything by Malcolm Gladwell
*The whole Maya Angelou collection
*Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office and Nice Girls Don't Get Rich by Lois P. Frankel
*Anybody you admire, you should read their autobiography/ biography. I read lots of biographies
Q: Any practical tips for making yourself stand out from the crowd (or the rest of your colleagues) if you're a naturally reserved person?
A: Honestly? I have no clue. I have shy moments, but I've never not been able to turn on when something was at stake. Anybody formerly - shy that can help on this one??
Q: What's a normal day in the office like for you?
A: No such thing. Somedays I'm editing all day and staring at the computers. Others I'm hunting through pictures of men to feature in the magazine, or maybe I'm on a photoshoot with a bunch of guys. Or maybe I'm running the streets looking for men to feature. I could be making a gallery of men for TheMagazine.com (every Monday a gallery goes up). I could be thinking about questions to ask men, or interviewing an expert about dating or sex or men. I could be writing about men. The common denominator is obvious.
Q: What tips would you give to writers aspiring to achieve your level of success?
A: Read and write constantly. Get a blog. Network. See "Belle's Rules for A Fabulous Life" for further insight or read any list posted on my birthday, July 9.
Q: Are you still looking for an intern? If so, how would she go about to apply for that position?
A: Yes. Tell her to e-mail me. You know, I've said that intern thing a bunch of times and NO ONE has ever emailed me about it?? I need someone reliable in NYC to help me schedule ish and edit/ proofread the book. English majors only please. In exchange I will happily introduce them to everyone I know and help them find an in with whatever career they're looking for in media. We can barter out whatever else you may want too. I'm open to anything reasonable.
Q: Why is it so hard to get a break in the entertainment industry. Especially among those who are the same color as us? (asking as I'm frustrated)
A: Many reasons. Mostly because jobs are scarce, especially now, and LOTS of people want to break-in. Folks who got in know how many people want to be there. They practically pledge folks to put them on. If it's any solace, once you can get your foot in the door, you can go from 0 to 60 pretty fast if you play your cards right (see Tuesday's post for how that's done. And keep reading this one.)
Q: What would you tell a person trying to discover who they are and find their purpose in life?
A: Do what you love, whatever it is that you would do all day for free. If you don't know what that is, try a lot of different things until something clicks. Then do that.
Q: I have been working at my job since I was 19 and my workplace is full of what I perceive to be moderately (objective) successful black women, at least in their careers. Not one woman has approached me with advice, guidance, or even concern for my future. For the time that I have been working here, I have felt ostracized and when I discuss it with family and friends, I always hear, "it's because you are starting in a place where they have to finish" or "they are just jealous of you because you are beautiful and smart." Belle, are our black role models really this way? Are they really so insecure, jealous and spiteful that they don't want to lend guidance and mentorship to the younger generations?
A: Eh… It’s really nice when people look out for you on the job, but they are in no way obligated to do so, at all. NOT AT ALL. I hear an emphasis on what they have not done for you, I wondered what you had done for yourself? Have you approached them seeking guidance and you were rejected? Also, I’m always hesitant to go with “they are jealous…” or “they are insecure…” Sometimes folks are. Most times, folks ain’t thinking about anyone else or anyone else’s problems and a lot of what is seen as “they are so stank to me” is actually them reflecting back what they are given or just a lack of interest. If you feel entitled to being helped and looked out for as it comes across in the email, they may sense that sense of entitlement and reject it, and by proxy you.
Also, don’t be afraid to get a non-Black mentor. Black women for some reason think the only people who can help us are other Black people. Find someone of any color in the C-suite who is cool and approach them for mentorship as well. But don’t approach like you are owed something because you won’t get anything.
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (24)
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! No words can describe how motivating and wonderful you are Belle! Can you be my virtual mentor? (I'm SERIOUS!) Have a blessed day!
Great post and so wonderful that you're willing to answer anything! The query letter/tips questions was one I submitted. Thanks for the great tips :)
I know everyone has their favorites but this is the best post I ever read!
BTW, if you love Malcolm Gladwell then also check out AJ Jacobs.
Belle,
This is excellent advice that you are giving to 20 and 30(like myself) somethings
I especially like the question by the 19 year old about other Black women helping her and your response to her. As a Black woman who worked in education for a few years in schools ran by Black women, there is a sense of them not being jealous but them not wanting you to take their position. Not all of them but a few. I remember asking my old principals for help and some of them literally turned their backs on me or fired me because I wouldn't gossip with them (and this was a common occurance in choice/private schools in Milwaukee, many of the women would fire entire teams because they wouldn't involve themselves in the cliques that roamed the teachers lounge).
But, like you said. you have to get up and ask for help, help yourself, and find that one (because sometimes when you are starting out that is all that you need) woman that will help you and she will teach you the ropes that you are trying to hang onto.
I think also she should look to the internet and social networks to find the mentors that she's looking for. She'd be surprised what she can find (I think you mentioned that when you listed the Twitter addresses of several successful sisters a few posts ago).
KMN
Great post Belle!
>>>I wouldn't gossip with them (and this was a common occurance in choice/private schools in Milwaukee, many of the women would fire entire teams because they wouldn't involve themselves in the cliques that roamed the teachers lounge).<<<
that sucks 'cause gossip is sooo petty. but it's the overall thing of not engaging in the office culture/politics. you want to get ahead faster? get into whatever your boss is into. the more she thinks, "She's just like me" the quicker you are to get promoted. The more liked you are, the more protected you are and the faster you go up the chain. Hard work is not even half the battle. Being liked is about 2/3 of it.
"Hard work is not even half the battle. Being liked is about 2/3 of it."
I feel like this is very true. I work in a male-dominated office and I feel like it's easier for men to get pulled into work, because the leads on the work are other men. There's a whole conversation in my head right now about how men and women promote themselves at work (women tend to downplay accomplishments or "share the wealth) and the difficulties in "fitting in", in a male dominated workplace. Belle, do you have any advice/experience in regards to that?
Belle,
You have dropped GEMS, punto.
Touche and a hand clap for the advice given to the lady looking for mentors. Never work HARD, work SMART!
@Kat
I've always worked in female dominated arenas. never reported directly to a man. The two places where I didn't fit, I had the least success. They also happened to be the two places I was the only Black woman on my team. One, there was nothing I can do, really? It was all middle-aged white woman in either moo-moos or living on the upper east side; we were worlds away from each other. And to be honest, I wasn't really trying to succeed there, or the other place. It was a job.
Read lois Frankel's book about jobs. She has great advice for how to get over that. She suggests that women get into sports to have something to talk about. If not that, find a commonality so you can sit in the bosses office and shoot the shit with the guys.
@Kat-- also don't be afraid to use your spouse/significant/ male friend other as an "in." If you work in a guy-guy office, bring that man around to kick it with the men in your office company picnic, office parties, holiday parties, etc. Let your spouse schmooze as an extension of you.
A boss had a husband who hated going out. I was out with my guy at the time, at an event, he met her hubby. They clicked. While the men were talking, I used the time to kick it with my boss. I got private-time to kick it socially; she was happy her husband had someone to "play" with at events. It was a turning point in my career.
Same ex worked for a gay-friendly company that sponsored a lot of LGBT events. His boss was gay. He took me with him to some events and let me kick it with the guys who were more into "girly" ish, fashion, being the primary caretaker for kids, "silly" girl stuff. I got a connect in with the sponsorship dept of his company off -that. He, kind of homophobic like most Black guys, got an in because of me.
It cuts both ways.
the more she thinks, "She's just like me" the quicker you are to get promoted
I can get down with this in certain situations, but when it comes down to education, I didn't have time to be gossiping about who had who's baby and who was sleeping with who and why the librarian was passed out on the principal's bed at the hotel during an educational retreat with a banana near her behind (that story will be in my book soon). Small gossip is fine, but not stuff like that. Not during work. Not during classtime. And when you are more concerned about who's zooming who instead of how can we get history books that are NOT from 1976 (true story) then there is a problem. But I can see what you are saying and appreciate that piece of advice.
KMN
@Belle - thanks for the advice!
I happen to love sports, but need to keep a better eye on the games (and expand to other sports). I've been meaning to pick up the Frankel book for a while...thanks for the reminder!
Really, this office isn't the best fit for me, but when I started here, I thought I wanted to pursue a career in this profession. Not so much anymore. I would recommend that if anyone thinks they want to work in a particular field, get a job there so you can determine if it's truly a fit for you. Do this before you take on additional schooling (graduate, JD, etc.). I say this because, like Belle, I know way too many unhappy lawyers.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! It wasn't many moons ago when we ourselves were asking these sorts of questions of people who were older - i mean - more experienced than us. LOVES IT!!!!! And so glad you can provide people with knowledgeable answers we may not have gotten when we were in their shoes. KUDOS! Great post!
I found this resource while poking around on Amazon.com:
"Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead... But Gutsy Gir... by Kate White"
More great advice. Thanks Belle! I will be graduating in May (if it's in the Lord's will) and I get discouraged a lot. This couldn't have come at a better time.
Belle - this was great and so informative! I would REALLY love to see you do a "how to move to NYC/Amajor US city" post. I'm trying to relocate to DC and would love to hear about your experience on how you did it successfully!
Belle- the advice you have given out the last week is priceless. I am about to graduate in a few weeks with a B.S in sports & entertainment management(it took me a long to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up), so I am ready to hit the road running! It is a huge career move coming from my full-time job I work in now, because most people take this job for life and it has absolutely nothing to do with sports or entertainment. So I am going to get some of the books you recommend this weekend and take your advice. Thanks so much.
Also, post how to throw a dinner/brunch of legends to be because I would love to know how to throw one.
I work in the radio/tv field (entry-level in PAY but not necessarily in title - just a smidge above) and I really want to move into the publishing or print world but the shift is a difficult. I definitely don't mind starting at the bottom (I eventually would like to be an editor) since my only responsibilities are to myself and not to any children and/or husband (thankfully because I need to get myself together, lol). Am I at a HUGE disadvantage b/c I'm knocking on 30 (a few months away) and don't have too much experience (outside of my blog and a few pieces I've done on different websites)? I tweeted this to you yesterday but not sure if you saw it.
I definitely know I need to get a mentor because I'm not really sure which steps to take.
This was excellent Belle. I love the way you tell it like it T.I. is...Great advice. I'm taking notes girl. Keep doing your thing.
I listen to Bell's advice before I listen to my mom's advice..*Kanye shrug*
On the shy thing...I have always been shy and reserved in general. But when it comes to job interviews, school presentations, etc. I turn the charm ON. I approach it like, I HAVE to do this. This is money. This is networking. This is getting myself out there. I feel like some boxers before interviews and similar happenings where I'm literally trembling, red, and heart beating fast. Then when I'm in, I put it away. I don't even know how it happens anymore but it's like a survival instinct that's necessary if you really want to move ahead.
"Do what you love, whatever it is that you would do all day for free."
"Hard work is not even half the battle. Being liked is about 2/3 of it."
Good stuff. I'd add to this great advice. "Work smart, not hard"
It's very good to see someone reaching out with help versus that infamous, "Look at me, I made it and you didn't" attitude. I hear they are looking for someone to step in for Oprah! That job's got Belle written all over it!
Not going to law school was so not a bad idea. It placed me deeply in debt, zapped all my creativity and almost ruined my sunny outlook.
Luckily, I've been working on getting it back and there are other perks. I guess. ;-)
I admire those that had the courage to step off the path of least resistance and do something they love. Great advice Belle.
Belle, Please do post about How to throw a Legends to Be Dinner/ Brunch...
Thanks! Great work.