So Part I was about careers. Part II (for the weekend) is 27 questions you wanted to know about me.  We'll tackle dating, sex, and the state of the Black Union next week. If you have questions for those three topics, hit me over the weekend: abelleinbrooklyn@gmail.com

Some of these really made me think. Here goes: 

Are there times when you absolutely hate being single?

Actually, I've had a BF for awhile now. But single was a mixed bag for me. I loved it at lot until everytime I met a guy I really liked, found out we weren't on the same page, then was heartbroken. That's pretty much outlined in detail in the Belle archives. That week or two after a "break up" was terrible. But overall, I liked my freedom, not being accountable, not having to deal with hard ish like compromise (it doesn't come natural to me), partying every night with my boys. I had no obligations to anyone but myself. Eveytime I met a new guy, there was a possibility. I really liked the rush of it. I think women are so programmed to see single as bad that they overlook the absolute joys of it and only see the bad.

Do you think your blog has lost some of its appeal now that you write less about your own personal relationships?

Eh.. some people may have dipped if all they wanted was a character and a story line. But the blog has exploded by leaps and bounds since I stopped writing about myself (the numbers and attention are staggering, even to me). The opportunities its led to would not have happened if I stayed on the same path. Plus, there's also not a lot of story arc in I'm happy, I'm happy again today, I'm still happy, and probably will be happy tomorrow too.

In the title of your blog you write "The Unintentionally Hilarious Adventures of a Southern Woman living way too far above the Mason Dixon". However, you blogs no longer talk about your adventures. It seems you just give your opinion about pop culture and celebrities. Why the change?

LOL at "just" give my opinion... Good question though. A few reasons:

*There's a book in progress and my unofficial business manager thought it best that I save the good stories.

*My BF doesn't want to be blogged about.  I can't really write about my dating life w/out writing about him, so I just skip it.

*I wanted to expand beyond being a woman with a bunch of relationship drama. The stories were all starting to sound the same too: Belle meets guy, she likes guy, months later the bubble bursts, then Belle's sad, then Belle tries again. My stories were better written and delved deeper than some others out there, but there were still a million people telling that SATC story. I wanted to expand beyond that. And too, I didn't wan man woes to be my equivalent of Oprah's weight woes.

*Talking about pop culture in depth, day in and day out and still having a foundation in relationships has made me an expert of sorts and a cultural critic (FTR: that's the title I'm given, not the one I wear.) Combined with the day job, it's led to amazing opportunities.

*It's completely narcissistic to write about yourself everyday. Even when I shared more of my life, I didn't do it every day. I wanted to talk about more ish that mattered than "just" my dating life. It was getting boring to me.

Have you stopped writing about your personal relationships (past and present) because it had a negative effect on your previous situations (TLA...Mr. Ex)?

No. They could both care less as long as I don't use identifying details. I don't think my blog had an affect on either of those situations. 

Has your decision to stop made a difference in your current situation?

No. It never made a difference in any situation. I rarely wrote in real-time. By the time I told it here, it was already past-tense.

Why don't you have a longer blogroll/blog links on your site (www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/belle-reads/)?  Is it to stay out of blog politics?  Are there no other quality blogs you'd like to plug?

I haven't updated that list but once since I re-launched the site— moreso because of time than lack of good blogs or to avoid politics (is there blog politics? Am I out of the loop?) I never thought about it. There are a few I should have up there, especially necolebitchie.com who's been amazingly supportive of Belle. I'll update it (when I have time.)

You ever been the other woman?

Yes.

Have you ever been pregnant?

No. 

When was the last time you watched porn?

Wednesday. 

Would u do a threesome?

Nope. I don't share. And there's nothing appealing to me about two guys in my mix. 

What are you most insecure about?

I am paranoid about falling short of my goals. I don't have a fall-back option if my dreams don't work out.

If we were on an vacation and no one was attached could we have sex in the jacuzzi? Or the beach? (Like me and you)

No. I don't cheat. And I honestly just don't see you that way. [ I know the person who asked this.]

What is the one thing brothers need to get with belle...like must have?
 
Fierce loyalty. 

Do you know that men find you to be attractive?

Uh.. In general, I'm pretty clueless unless its blatant, like a man says "I think you are beautiful." I do know how to talk to men though. I attribute most positive reactions by the opposite sex to my personality and conversation, not the way I look. I don't look in the mirror and think, "well, damn." Sometimes I see pictures from events and like the way I look. That's about the only time I think about my looks. There are tons of beautiful women in New York. Being attractive isn't exactly a novelty.

Do you ever use it to your advantage?

When I know a guy is feeling me? YES! Totally. I believe in playing every hand in my deck (as long as it coincides with my morals) But I play up my personality all the time to get my way. I think that'll take anybody further than looks. Beauty opens doors. Personality will take you through them.

Do you think that you can be arrogant or a little cocky?

Yup! But I think that perception has less to do with me thinking I'm the ish and more to do with people not being accustomed to a confident woman. It's almost a mandated part of femininity to be insecure, to express self-doubt and even self-loathing. I have a very "male" style of writing/speaking (that's taught to rhetoric majors.) And I've studied how to be more assertive and communicate more male-like, ie more business- like. For instance, I intentionally don't write, "I think" when making an argument because it should be clear its an opinion if I'm making an assertion. An argument comes across stronger when you just state what you think firmly and force that onus on another person to disprove your idea. Most women have a problem stating what they think outright for fear of being seen as arrogant, cocky, strong, opinionated, bitchy, whatever. I'm not one of those women. 

What is your greatest accomplishment (thus far)?

Moving to NYC. By and large, people don't move out of DC. I faced a lot of adversity to be here, from a lot of people. I got here and fulfilled a lot of dreams I had as a kid-- met writers I admired, some who admire me back, some I even edit now. I wrote for them too. Landed a job at the magazine my mama collected. There were a lot of easier paths I could have taken (I was in NYC 7 years before I landed a magazine job.) I wouldn't have fulfilled any dreams; I'd probably have more money. But I'm doing okay.

Worst failure??

Argghhh. The only time I've felt like a failure was when I moved home from New York after grad school. I thought I'd ruined my life, or worse, didn't have what it took to make it in New York. I was in a really bad place. Oh... and when I lied to myself about Mr. Ex (lie to others, if you must. Never to yourself.) I knew he wasn't right for me and everybody else did too, but I wanted to believe

You went to UMCP, but did not pledge any sorority. Why not? Please add comments on Greeks you see in your life after college (when the strolling, parties, debauchery) is finished.

I was a different person in college. All I cared about were my grades, graduation, and getting out of MD. Anything that might distract from that, other than partying (mostly to take the pressure of expectations off), I wasn't that interested in. And I saw joining an organization as a distraction. I'd heard horror stories of GPAs dropping while trying to join and I had a mother who'd had a serious sit down with me once about my lack of focus when my GPA dropped from a 3.8 to a 3.6. She told me all she required was my best and a 3.6 wasn't it. (It wasn't. I partied soooo hard that semester.) I attended a couple events (literally two) for one organization after my whole crew had joined. They swore I would love it so I checked it out. I liked what I saw (for the first 2.5 years on campus, I thought it was what people did to be popular. I was well-known so I didn't see the point), but by then, I was closing junior year and about to be a senior. I was going to try anyway, but then I got the opportunity to go to London my senior year and I bounced instead. That was that.

Post-grad, I see a lot of hard work and community commitment. A significant number of my friends are a part of organizations. They're still very active and they do a lot of service— a lot!— and are very close to other women in their organizations. If you're interested in joining for service and sisterhood, it's still relevant post-grad, if that's what you're asking.

Are you involved in any community service activities?

Yes. I speak to groups of young women pretty often about getting their lives together, building self-esteem, how to establish goals and dreams. I'm talking to a domestic violence survivors this weekend, next week young single moms. I also speak at colleges. In fact, I start a college tour in May. I also host an annual event, Legends to Be, that supports and celebrates Black women. I spend an easy 10 hours a week dialoguing with/ mentoring Belle readers, mostly young Black women, who need a little direction or encouragement.

Favorite interview?

I don't have one. I don't really like interviewing. I think I do it well, but eh... I know I like rising stars over big name celebs just because they're less guarded. And like "regular" people more than anyone because they have a lot of color. I like interviewing men more than women.

Crazy thing that has come across your desk?

Gigantic steel magnet anal balls. I had no idea how they would even fit. (And no, I never thought to try.)

What do you want for xmas?

A new couch. A Chesterfield. 

Where do you hang out?!

Uh... It varies. Mostly in Brooklyn on weekends, Manhattan during the week. I don't have a set spots. I don't club unless it's someone's birthday. And even then, you got to be extra-special. I mostly go to industry ish and the venue is always something new with some crazy guest list. I spend more time on my couch  with my laptop than anywhere else. I have “home” restaurant, but if I put them on here, I would’t go anymore. (My mother is terribly concerned about my safety.) Sorry, I can’t be of more use. If you’re trying to figure out how I have fun, that’s more a result of my outlook and having friends who think the same way than location.

I notice from your blog that you are from the MD/DC area and wanted to know if you could recommend a barber in the area that does good work?

I haven't lived in DC since 2001. I had hair when I did.

What's your weirdest secret habit?  Something that VERY few people...if anyone, knows that you do?

I don't think I have one. I'm a pretty open book. I don't believe in keeping shameful secrets. People always find out and use it against you. I used to smoke cigars. You'd have to know me really well to know that though. I only smoked in my kitchen. I quit just before I turned 30.  

I always hear people say that if you put out negative or positive energy it comes back to you. If you agree can you give an example or both positive and negative that has happened to you?

I think great things will happen and they do. Most of accomplishments thus far are a testament to that. (I also put in hard work to back that up.) I am also surrounded by amazing people. I give them good vibes; they give it back. The result is a virtual lovefest. I find I have a fuller life and more friends when I see the proverbial cup as half-full. Negative? I still haven't learned to walk away from dumb arguments. There's a Jay-Z line that goes (something like), "Mama said I shouldn't argue with fools/ people from a distance don't know who is who?" Sometimes I get caught up in proving a point and one-upping someone's retorts and end up looking like an ass. I play in dirt. I get dirty. It's something I'm working on.