We’re on Part III of our Ask Belle Anything series. So far, we've covered careers and me. 

So here we go: Relationships:

When is it okay to leave a toothbrush at his/her place?

When you start sleeping over regularly. It doesn't have to be in plain view, but you can leave it there. Just ask. I think men are more offended by what they see as the "silly sneakiness" of a woman leaving "random" stuff around (including hair) than the actual object left. Men, in general, are very territorial. They don't like "invasions" of their space with unknown/uninvited objects.

What are your thoughts on freedom in terms of people being able to happily make dating decisions (conventional or insane), ahem, for example what if a woman wants to always pick up a man's tab because she likes him and likes to do it but her girl's say "oh you need to let that nikka pay"...What if a woman just wants to do whatever she wants against "code" ?

Gosh, that was a loaded question. Your mind's already made up. But I'll answer: I can't think of a man I knows who actually respects a woman that would be comfy with that arrangement or wouldn't feel like a "bitchass." That said, it's different strokes for different folks. If you and your man like this arrangement, I love it. Keep it up. Personally, I don't want treat my man like my son (because really, who other than a mother would do that "always"?) and picking up the tab all the time would be desperate for me, not newfound feminism. But if you're cool with always footing the bill throughout the relationship (because that's the precedent you're setting), cool.

While I'm all for unconventional, I do wonder why this is the convention you choose to buck in such an extreme way as "always." Is playing sugarmama giving you a thrill?? Are you trying to prove something? Display a sense of power or no needing a guy to do for you?? Are you using your check to keep him around?? Is he that broke??

What's your latest 'aha' love/relationship epiphany?

It's way harder to be in a relationship than to be single. Someone should warn single people. All these single women out here pining for relationships like that's when they can exhale. Like um... no. That doesn't happen. When you say, "ok. Let's me and you pair off and try to build something that builds to something more" is when the real work begins. There's a great line in love jones that goes, "love is what you make and with whom you make it." If that ain't the truest thing ever said, I don't know what is. I think people forget that even a bed of roses still has thorns.

I want to know how men REALLY feel about curvy/plus-size/full-figured women. Any tips you can give the curvy gals?

You'd probably be best off asking a guy. But I'll say this. Curvy and plus-sized imply 2 different things. Cuvy says "King model." Little waist, big everywhere it counts for a man. Plus -sized, I think 14+. In all the years I've talked to guys, listened to guys, interviewed guys, no one has ever described their ideal as plus-sized. Thick? Sure. But I'd argue there's a difference, and it's largely to do with the waist to booty ratio.

That's not to say a woman will never get a man being plus-sized, plenty of men like more to love ladies. It is to say, she MAY have a more difficult time, especially in the NE or far West, and especially with bourgeoisie dudes. I say have a personality; it's the advice I give to anyone. Being likeable and fun will trump a multitude of vices. 

Best date of all time?

The first date with TLA. He didn't have a dining room set yet so he set up a picnic on the floor. He threw a blanket down, lined the perimeter with tea light candles and he made dinner— salmon. Oh, and we drank wine out of bar glasses. I think we talked for 4 hours.

I know you know tons of great guys, but what about women stuck in Dallas (or Austin), San Fran, wherever. All of my friends complain that they never meet men. I think some of them have valid complaints, particularly because they do their part to get out and mingle and meet men. How do you find someone in such a limited pool?

Dallas? Really?? I've never seen so many men, so many FINE and broad Black men. Hands down, Dallas is my favorite city of men! If you want to meet men, sometimes you have to look. Like actively go from spot to spot to find them. Also, I'm not a proponent of meeting men in the club or setting where you're "supposed" to mingle. You'll encounter far more men in daily life than you ever will looking for the herd. Pay attention at the mall, the ATM, the drugstore, the carry out, wherever... One Saturday, I was in DC with Ace and we just wanted some male company. We walked around Georgetown for an hour until we found some. They were cool, funny, drink-buying men. We chatted for a few hours, exchanged numbers. Sometimes you gotta hunt a little (and change that "there's nobody out here attitude." You will get what you expect.) It was worth it. I think Ace got a date out of it.

What advice do you have have for getting over an ex who's clearly (and quickly!) moved on from you?

See below.

What do you do when you feel yourself on the verge of turning into Lynn Whitfield's character from A Thin Line Between Love and Hate? And not because you're in love with the dude; more because you're so pissed at what happened and how it ended.

I'm not really a flip-out type so I can't really relate to this one, but I do know that spending time stressing over a man who is literally not thinking about you is a waste of time and energy. (I do know about that.) You don't break down just because you've had a break up. Moving on is as simple as making the decision and sticking to it. Get over it. Exhale. Cry. Write a blog or a note to yourself, vent to your girls, lay in bed and listen to empowerment anthems until you brainwash yourself back to sanity. Run on the treadmill or do something that sweats that negative energy out. Give it up to God and pray on it. God help me to change the things I can not accept, and accept the things I can not change. Make the sign of the cross, shake the deuces to that bad juju and be done.

In a relationship, how do you determine what is real and what is not? I'm at a point where I want a relationship but not sure how to go about it.

Well, by the time you've defined it as a "relationship," I would hope you would know if it was real. But if not, you spend time together, lots of time, getting to know one another, if you have the same values, ideals, and direction. You talk and ask questions, you look for consistency in his words and actions. A man who is interested will consistently bring his A-game. That's not to say he will be perfect, but he will do his best. You TAKE YOUR TIME and get to know him. You take seasons with him. That's a few months, not three like Steve Harvey suggests. That's the only way to know it's real. Anything else is a gamble and a prayer. (I learned this the hard way.)

If you're with a men who treats you right and loves you unconditionally but lacks sexually (small penis) should you overlook that for what's inside?

If he can please you with the small penis, then carry on. If you aren't fulfilled AND you try different positions and you're still not, it will eventually become a problem. Everytime something goes wrong, you'll think, "and the sex ain't good!" Life is too short to have bad sex. Move on.

I have been told for as long as I can remember that I don't look approachable. I intimidate men and women. It is only when I talk to people that they realize I am nothing like I seem and that I am really sweet. How can does one look approachable?

Smile more. Adjust your body language so you appear more open. Also, adjust your outlook. If you think negatively, you will come off negatively. 

How do you become positive when dealing with men when the majority of your experiences with them have been negative?

A positive outlook is a decision to think "the glass is half-full." Recognize that just as you are not the "ain't shit" Black woman stereotype; that every man isn't the "ain't shit" Black man stereotype. If you are a good woman and know good women, it stands to reason that there are good men like you and your friends. You also have to accept the role you play in your negativity. If you've dealt with a string of ain't shit men, what they have in common is you. (Refer to any Katt Williams skit for further insight.)

Have you dated enough men that you would consider yourself a relationship expert?

Dating and relationships are two different things. A dating expert? Maybe. I won't correct anyone who calls me that. A relationship expert? Not at all. (I don't call myself that. Others may.)

Have you ever dated a man that was unattractive?

"Unattractive" is subjective. I've never dated a guy I thought was unattractive. Did others think so? I don't know.

What do you think is the biggest thing that women do that prevents them from being in a relationship?

Having a general idea, even subconsciously, that Black men ain't shit, only want white women, or are all on the DL. Both sexes come to the table with negativity, then wonder why that's what they get in return. Either that or unrealistic expectations.

Have you ever dated a man of a different race?

No.

I find men of other ethnicities very attractive and would like to start dating them. Are men really all the same?

Yes. Most men will agree. There are cultural differences, of course, but you won't find a better "caliber" of man just because he has less melanin. There are great men and little shits in equal proportion in all colors.

I don't think I know the difference between settling and compromising when it comes to relationships. No one is perfect, but what should you hold people to? I want it all but I know it's not possible, but I also don't want to settle. Do I have to give up a man who has it going on for himself for someone who's supportive and vice versa? Can I barter mate qualities this for that, that for this? Am I always going to say "he's great, but..." Advice, please :-)

Good question. It's settling when you go against your core values and what's important to you. It's compromise when you give a little and he does to so there can be happiness; when it's worth it to give up a little because what you get is worthwhile. A man who does not support your dreams that you are working hard to accomplish is not the man for you. Period. Having it all is possible, but not all the time. No man is going to find 100% in you and you won't find it in him.

Yes, it will always be "he's great, but.." But when he's really that great, that "but" is a small concession for what you're getting with that/those exceptions. Your dream is not a small concession. Yes, you can find a man who has something going on and who will be supportive of your dreams. Most men I know like a woman with some ambition and find a sense of purpose and drive quite sexy.