PART IV: Ask Belle Anything: Sex
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 11:25AM You know the routine.
Oh, and I might as well tell you. I've decided not to answer the question about Legends to Be brunch and dinner events. The more I thought about answering it, the more I realized I didn't want to. I'll give you the tools to get where you want to go in life, but I won't give you the blueprint to the ideas that my team and I came up with.
Here's a hint though: watch re-runs of Oprah's Legends Ball on YouTube repeatedly. That's where the inspiration came from. And if you want to throw a dinner for your friends to celebrate them, just pick a venue and invite them to it. That's the core of the whole thing.
Okay... on to sex:
Is cumming quick a compliment to the receiving end or a fatal flaw for the 'cummer' and is there a difference b/w men and women?
Depends on how the other partner feels about it. There's no general answer to that. "Quick" is also subjective. If the people having sex with it are both fine with it, then there's no problem. A "difference?" I'm not sure I follow. I think with women who orgasm soon, it's seen as a good because we're told it takes a lot of work (uh. Not when you know what you're doing.) With men, it's seen as bad. Women can also reach orgasm multiple times in one session. The vagina doesn't "go limp." Again, its all based on the two (or three) people having sex and how they feel about the timing.
Does refraining from masturbating increase sexual pleasure?
Depends on the person. But I would think it's kinda like Eddie Murphy and the cracker. Remember from Raw (?), he was talking about when a starving man gets a cracker, he's like "this is the best cracker ever!" I think the same logic would apply.
You ever tried anal?
No. Though I hear it's amazing. I'm good on trying to find out for myself
Threesomes?
No.
Teabagging?
Lol. No.
Do you like sex?
With someone who knows what they’re doing, yes.
Are you good in bed? If yes, how do you know?
I aim to please, take direction well and I do my enthusiastic best. I keep an open-mind. That's most of the battle right there. No complaints thus far.
Are you flexible?
I was a cheerleader. That said, I'm not a porn star. I'm about what feels good; not what looks good on camera.
Do you masturbate alot? (hey, you did say we could ask you anything)
"A lot" is subjective. I don't think I do it “a lot.” Others might. BTW- I am a wholehearted advocate of self-love. Do you know what the HIV rate is for Black women? The only truly safe sex is the sex with yourself.
How do you ride a man?
Do what feels good to you and be confident. He'll be fine. If you want to know how to please him, just ask.
Are you aggressive or passive when having sex?
Eh... Depends on the day and my mood.
Swallow or spit?
Neither.
When was the first time you swallowed or spit?
n/a
Name a celeb you would want to swallow on the first date.
Really? *blank stare*
Is there anything that you know about me or read on this blog in all these posts that would give you the impression that’s the way my mind works?
How often you need some d***?
Wow. (I guess I did say anything…) Depends on way too many factors— time of the month, stress level, how tired I am, what the scale says. There's no definitive number.
Broke with a big d*** or rich with a little d*** and great personality?
"Little" is subjective. But I assume you mean little as in I ain't pleased. Hmmm. If the broke guy has a great personality and is actively working to be un-broke, I'll chose him. If big ego is an ass, I'll ride with the Lil Wee-Wee Man. Ideally, I'd like to throw deuces to both and pursue a third option with a great personality, a big ego, and at least some savings.
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Reader Comments (79)
Neither spit nor swallow?
LOL.
Now that's funny.
I'm with SBW. What the hell do you do with it, snort it like cocaine?
"neither" spit nor swallow belle, really? not only is it contradictory to your response to "are you good in bed" you are such a generous person! i just can't see you being that selfish in the bedroom.
you need more people.
hahahaha@brandy maybe she rubs it in her skin like lotion....
LOL @ lil wee wee man. It almost sounds like it should be some type of super hero status. Lil Wee Wee off to save the day. Up Up and away (pun intended)
neither spitting nor swallowing. how does that work? is it like being kinda pregnant? lol
LOL! yeah, the neither spit not swallow through me off a bit, too.
I don't understand how people can be such strong advocates of "safe sex" and [even jokingly] mock someone who doesn't allow semen in her mouth.
Belle, I would think your strong stance on protected sex is in alignment with not swallowing nor spitting and I don't see how it could be conceived as "selfish."
No anal. No threesomes. No oral sex. Sounds like a snooze fest. No wonder you go so hard for "self love".
Having an "n/a" for if you spit or swallow hints at the fact that you don't give oral sex... I know a lot of women (especially black women) that have issues with oral sex and I don't get it. I don't think you can ever be that good in bed if something so simple is a no go.
Now on the flip side this could just mean that you've only given oral sex while using a condom but I don't think that's the case...
Wow this comment section is about to get LOCO ;)
But I don't care what none says....my answer is the same as Belle's and I have zero relationship issues ;)
Sounds like some of yall got duped hahahaha!
Y'all are going in hard on this one! LOL
This it totally off-topic, but I was wondering why you would give a blueprint for your Legends To Be Ball for all the world to see. I'm glad you changed your mind on sharing that information!
i am seriously curious about the spitting/swallowing debacle. I'm not taking shots (pun intended), just wondering what else there is? gargling ala listerine commercial?
No anal. No threesomes. No oral sex. Sounds like a snooze fest.
Or someone who practices what she preaches about safe sex. No wonder the STD rates among black women are skyrocketing. I wonder how many women do it to be "exciting" in bed.
Co-sign @Giselle
Yes they are and it's hee-larious!!
Kudos to Belle for being "open" enough to answer these questions on a public forum.
I would NEVA!
FYI South Loop Social Light.... u can give oral sex and not swallow or spit. You simply stop sucking before he comes or tell the dude " if you cum in my mouth this WILL be the last nut u ever have." I've been doing so for almost 3years... no cum on my bottom jaw!
@ Misunderstood
I don't strive to be exciting in bed, but in my lifetime I have experienced different things. I think that some stuff you grow out of, but I'm not closed minded. To each their own... but having a healthy sexual appetite and broader base of what you like is not to say that you're a walking STD. You can be responsible and have fun.
@ sohoissooverated
I'm glad you are 3 yrs into your antics and void of any creamy, white substances on your bottom jaw. Yes, I do know that you can time it just right and not have to encounter spitting or swallowing. I have the mindset that if you're in a situation with someone where you feel safe and able to explore, the possibility of spitting or swallowing may arise.
I think it's nice that Belle is comfortable enough to talk about her sex life via her blog, but it's not like she's giving any juicy, earth shattering info. Everyone likes what they like, so I can respect that... but folks are acting like it's that hard to say you like basic sex. lol... give me a break.
I'm trippin' on how every(exaggeration)one else is trippin' on Belle neither spitting or swallowing.
She just answered a bunch of personal-ass questions and folks are confused about that. Interesting -- and may explain that one question about who'd she swallow on the first date.
*u can give oral sex and not swallow or spit. You simply stop sucking before he comes or tell the dude " if you cum in my mouth this WILL be the last nut u ever have." I've been doing so for almost 3years... no cum on my bottom jaw!*
Um you give oral with a condom. In the same way people need to have protected vaginal and anal intercourse. You need to have protected oral sex.
We really need to stop acting like oral sex is not sex. Just because you can't get pregnant, does not mean it isn't dangerous.
Neither spit or swallow, is pretty easy to figure out what she's saying!!
Good post, even with the ask anything questions, they can ask but everything doesn't need to be answered!!
Lol this is getting hot, but it's nice to see everyone's point of view. @ the question about sucking off a celebrity on the first date _________FLATLINE__________. Celeb dude, wall Street dude, or whatever dude you be, you can't even kiss my baby toe on the first date. Prudish maybe, but I have my standards.
It'd be nice to have an open, honest conversation about sex and intimacy. I feel like safe sex is a given. We don't have to bring every comment back around to safe sex and AIDS/HIV. Those are the basics that anyone that's having sex should be aware of...
With that out of the way, we should be able to have a frank dialogue without people getting so on edge or defensive. Why not bounce ideas off of one another. Exchange tips. Give advice.
From my experience it seems like we as black women have major issues being able to talk about this stuff. Does anyone know why this is? I'm drawing blanks.
@South Loop I do agree with you. I would love to have some convo about it without having people feel as though their being judged. I think that we're so guarded about what we say or admit to others because of the stigma attached to what we do admit to. In our community, good girls don't do 'bad things' and for a long time and to some extent still, sucking dick can still be considered 'bad' or 'not too good' (in Lil Wayne voice). Truth be told, I'm married and I enjoy giving my husband head (that's just me). I like to surprise him, like whip it out and "BOOM" unexpectedly blow his mind. Probably from other comments today, I can add a few tricks to the repertoire.
I was wondering how this post would evolve....
@South Loop Social Light
Women in general mimick the behaviors of their mothers. So many of us were taughts the do's and dont's of what is acceptable "Lady-Like" behavior. Even if it is a go, don't speak about it, it's private. So many live and die by those traditions.
Black women are scrutunized so much in media about being overly sexual or exploited for our curvy bodies. Often "we" chose to play down our sexuality as a trade off for intelligence. Do both? NEVER! That's the idea that many have, and it's just as dysfunctional as feeling like only a tool for sex. Either way it places false ideals of what should or shouldn't be in the minds of women, breeding insecurity.
Then we have comments such as "No anal. No threesomes. No oral sex. Sounds like a snooze fest. No wonder you go so hard for "self love". " that would make some who were considering share their opinion now apprehensive because no one wants to hear that. When making offensive statements, expect defensive responses.
Everyone is different. As long as you are mindful of your health, by all means "Don't stop til' you get enough", thanks MJ.
Since @South Loop thinks we should open up the floor..........
Are most of you practicing these prized "aerobatic techniques" with your "BF"?
If so, that reminds me of that video about "Doing Too Much" by HustleNation. And I recall precisely that many woman right here on this Blog agreed with him about doing "too much" in the relationship.
Is the tide turning ladies? Let me go back and "peruse" that thread......