30 Things You Should Know By 30 (part II)
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 at 10:07PM ... continued
*Wear your size. Not the size you want to be. If you wanna be an 8, but wear a 12, buy the 12 and cut the label out (then go to the gym.) You always look better in clothes that fit (and when you work out. Even if you're a four, there's a difference between a flabby four and a tight one.)
*Figure out which fabrics, colors, cuts, and styles fit your body. Waste a day trying on clothes at your favorite stores and see what flatters and what doesn’t and stick to that and not what’s in style. Oh, and Spanx are your friends (I’m pretty sure this was on a previous list.)
*There’s no reason to look bad in pictures. Too many Facebook and Twitter bad photos floating around online. Practice your smile and your pose so you know what’s flattering. Keep in mind that your face changes as you age, so update your pose and your expression to fit.
*Befriend people who you want to be like. If you want an outstanding social life (fun for awhile, not all its cracked up to be), don’t sit home with your girls who always complain there’s nothing to do. There’s ALWAYS something to do. Oh, and I follow Marvette Britto on Twitter. She drops dimes once a day, at least. Yesterday's dime for me: STOP runnin wit folks who have your PROBLEMS & START runnin with folks who have your ANSWERS! [realest ish she ever wrote]
*Become a global citizen. The world is bigger than your block, your hood, your city/county/borough, your state and even your country. Go visit other continents and cultures. Learn a greeting in the native language, smile, and say thank you in their language. You'll be fine.
*Do stuff alone. People who can’t be alone drive me up a wall. If you don’t enjoy our own company, how can you expect anyone else to? Start with a movie—yes, a movie. Try a matinee if you’re paranoid. Then move on to lunch, then dinner, ad finally another country alone. Yes, yes, you can do it. And you will be fine.
*Get your makeup done. This seemed so obvious to me — until I met grown women who don’t know how to do makeup. Really? Go to the MAC store, make an appointment. It’s $50 to get it done professionally, free if you buy $50 worth of products. Every MAC store does it.
*Embrace getting older. There are few things worse than a woman who doesn’t grow old gracefully (see Vivica for reference). If you’re jealous of the young, take solace in that— God willing— young people eventually get old too. There’s no excuse for grown folk to show up to clubs in bikini tops, have tongue rings, and eyeshadow the same color as a day-glo top. It’s forgivable at 24. It’s an abomination at 30. Oh, and older means neither frumpy nor fugly. There are women in my office who are well into their 30s and are runway ready daily.
*Read. It’s not cute at 20 anything to say, “I don’t like reading.” (Actually, it makes you look stupid.) At 30, you’re a joke. Not only should read newspapers online daily and watch CNN, you should read some books too. Have something to talk about other than YBF.com (not that there’s anything wrong with YBF.com, it’s just not the ONLY thing you should read.) It's your community and world. Engage it.
*Create a professional resume and know how to interview. You should have a friend that works in HR by now (if not, befriend a career counselor or make nice with one), ask her to read your resume and do a mock interview. Also, research the job you want and the company you want to work for. Arrive with questions for you’re the interviewer. You should be interviewing her/him as well to see if it’s the job you want.
*Know how to handle your liquor. Drunk chicks are wack. I hated, HATED having to leave the club early to get a drunk chick home safely. It’s also a huge compromise to your safety. I’ve done a lot of dumb ish in my life, 70% of it was under the influence. Someone asked in the comments the other day why I don’t write about my hilarious adventures anymore. Because when I stopped drinking (and acting a fool,) there were a lot less crazy encounters. (The other reason is because I don’t want people in all my business. I also do more thinking and reading than acting up. I’m growing. Let me.)
*Drop your baggage. It’s as simple as figuring out what it is, placing it down and walking away. I read this book once called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. There’s a chapter that says the expiration date has long past for carrying your childhood traumas. Just let it go…. And walk away. (Who knows where that line is from?)
*Get a place of your own. 30 is too damn old to refer to “your roommate.” I know the economy is tough and you want to live in the city. Get a studio you can call your own instead of sharing a 2 bedroom. (If you are in school or recently got out, please ignore.)
*Don’t procrastinate. Life will pass you by. Somewhere around 23, I started talking about writing The Great American Novel. It’s still not written. I remember the night I decided it was my calling in life. It was 7 years ago. (Though one day I printed out all the blogs I thought were good to save in case like the whole Internet died and it was more than 1000 pages. Hmmm. Maybe I should turn the blogs into a book? I digress. Oh, and the story that sparked the idea is on here somewhere.)
*Trust yourself. A million people will tell you a million stories— some true, some lies. If it sounds like a lie, it usually is. If it sounds true, it might be. Go with what makes sense to you. Oh, and there are a lot of well-meaning people who will give you their best advice. Their agenda, may not be yours. If I’d taken the majority advice, I’d be a lawyer, living in MD, likely married with a kid, bored to tears, and wondering “what if?” the rest of my life. There would be no “Belle.”
And one to grow on:
Uh…. If you do dumb ish and actually learn from it, your mistake is not in vain. Learn from your mistakes and try not to apologize for the same thing more than once.
— Belle
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Reader Comments (22)
Can I just say Amen to the first point?
Just because you can put it on doesn't mean it fits!
I'm seriously considering printing t-shirts with that slogan.
*Become a global citizen. The world is bigger than your block, your hood, your city/county/borough, your state and even your country. Go visit other continents and cultures. Learn a greeting in the native language, smile, and say thank you.
You know people from the DMV dont believe in this. To most in this area this is all there is to life. Luckily im not one of them. My minor in school is spanish and my grandparents dont understand why im considering grad school in Spain (brr?). I think one here (a while ago) you wrote "you'll get lost following someone's else's road map." Ive been trying to blaze my own path ever since.
"*Drop your baggage. It’s as simple as figuring out what it is, placing it down and walking away. I read this book once called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. There’s a chapter that says the expiration date has long past for carrying your childhood traumas. Just let it go…. And walk away. (Who knows where that line is from?)"
Love Jones, ftw!
Love Jones--Jubilance beat me to it. I am a trivia wildebeast. Kudos on both lists, your growth has been exponential.
It seems no surprise you seem happier than you have ever been. I thank you on behalf of all Black Men. I think that when a man suggests these things, it sounds critical and it can easily be taken personal. You have been impartial and non-biased and I appreciate that. Each one, teach one and you definitely hold true.
Bond. BlkBond.
Great read...thanks for sharing your list. Movie reference: Love Jones.
*Do stuff alone. People who can’t be alone drive me up a wall. If you don’t enjoy our own company, how can you expect anyone else to? Start with a movie—yes, a movie. Try a matinee if you’re paranoid. Then move on to lunch, then dinner, ad finally another country alone. Yes, yes, you can do it. And you will be fine."
Amen, amen, amen. When I first moved to another state and away from my family for my very first job, I thought I needed constant company and was trailblazing to make new friends. What I failed to realize was that God was giving me an opportunity to learn to be on my own, learn about myself, firgure out who I was, and determine my path to success. I embraced my "loneliness" which really became my empowerment.
"*Read. It’s not really cute at 20 anything to say, “I don’t like reading.” (Actually, it makes you look stupid.) At 30, you’re a joke. Not only should read newspapers online daily and watch CNN, you should read some books too. Have something to talk about other than YBF.com (not that there’s anything wrong with YBF.com, it’s just not the ONLY thing you should read.)"
Sooo true. Damn. Too many people take pride in not reading, but even the ones that don't will give you a million excuses why they can't read something that you recommend for them (or keep procrastinating it until you give up). It's sad that they'll settle for mindless poison like Flavor of Love and whatever bullshit people are watching these days before they pick up a book. I sort of hate the fact that I was born in the 'microwave generation'. If the gratification isn't instant, we tend to act like it's not there :(
Kudos Belle... you are a single woman I wouldn't mind being friends with. You know who you are, you are comfortable in your skin and you are not trying to be who you are not.
I am a married woman and I have very few single friends because the majority of the one's I've encountered aren't comfortable with themselves. I want to be able to vent to my girls about hubs leaving his punk ass socks around, without the singles saying "Girl, you have a good husband, just pick up the socks. Shiii, if I had a one....." you know the rest. I digress.... I appreciate your list and I WILL be sharing this w/ others.
Read Brandon St. Randy's blog. It will make you a better, faster, smarter person. It will sharpen your ninja skills and make you the life of the party. Myspace users on average make $44,000, Facebook, $66,00, Linkedin $89,000, Brandon St. Randy readers: $22 Bajillion a year on Average.
Also, Read period. It really does make you a more interesting person. Forget what Kanye's ol' ignant ass tries to tell you. I recommend Dry by Augusten Burroughs (Dude who did Running With Scissors) and A Man in Full by Tom Wolfe.
These two are very important to me:
*Do stuff alone. People who can’t be alone drive me up a wall. If you don’t enjoy our own company, how can you expect anyone else to? Start with a movie—yes, a movie. Try a matinee if you’re paranoid. Then move on to lunch, then dinner, ad finally another country alone. Yes, yes, you can do it. And you will be fine.
*Get your makeup done. This seemed so obvious to me — until I met grown women who don’t know how to do makeup. Really? Go to the MAC store, make an appointment. It’s $50 to get it done professionally, free if you buy $50 worth of products. Every MAC store does it.
I've always appreciated my "me" time, and assumed that everyone had moments where they just needed a bit of solitude. To my surprise, plenty of people hate being alone and need the stimulation of constant companionship (my best friend is good for this. She stays with a house full of people). I've always thought they would appreciate life a little more if they could learn to enjoy being alone from time to time. Alone does not equal lonely.
As for the make-up thing...so necessary. Get a lesson and save yourself from tiger striped blush cheeks, a color contrast between your face and body color, and eyebrows in the form of a permanent "hmmm?". Everyone should have a perfectly matched foundation and know how to put on a basic, work-appropriate face.
you & the ppl you attract - they all just drop knowledge for the rest of us to bask in and ruminate. "you the fxck'n best."
I love your outlook and view. I've enjoyed each birthday list every year.
So insightful and pushes me to get on the ball.
Thank you Belle!
Love Jones...Just watched it last night with my boo..Any howyou made alot of great points , *STOP runnin wit folks who have your PROBLEMS & START runnin with folks who have your ANSWERS! * So true and I will! *Get your make up done, in all 27 soon to be 28 yrs of my life I have never worn make-up except for chapstick or gloss... I think I may just have to try it, lol...*Drop your baggage. Yes. Yes. Yes! All my life the ones that claim to love me the most always had a way of making me hold on to baggage from my past.. It ended up limiting me from living life to the fullest, I have a wonderful man who has taught me that I must leave it behind to move on...@ BlkBond, *Let Go, Let Flow. Where's that from, lol..But that is something I go by...*Trust yourself, there is a page in Kanye and J. Sakiya Sandifer's book, Thank You and Your Welcome that reads: If everybody think's it's right...Your doing something wrong. Like you said Belle if you would have listened to those many advices, you wld be a lawyer, w/ a fam, bored to tears... BTW if you haven't read the book, I highly recomend it, you can find it @ your Barnes and Nobles Stores, http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/ and, http://www.thethinkmovement.com/... All together I can't wait to be 30!!!!
"Kanye and J. Sakiya Sandifer's book, Thank You and Your Welcome that reads: If everybody think's it's right...Your doing something wrong."
Sakiya us actually a friend of a friend. I knew the guy doing his PR. Read the book, put it in my save for later box. a month later, I'm at friend's house up the block, and he stops by to say what's up to her. 20 minutes in I put 2 and 2 together.
Good energy attracts good energy. He's a really good dude. And some of what's in the book, I've heard from his mouth. Very inspiring guy.
I thank God I know and have accepted many of these things in my life already minus the makeup (eh, I'm not big on it) and more importantly, PROCRASTINATION. Lord knows I'm working hard to work through it and get over it.
These are GREAT lists and no matter what I already know and have heard, it's always good to hear it again!
@Belle...Yeah he is a great dude, have you read his book, THINK THINK THINK AND THINK AGAIN
The Power of Ideas Designed to Spark Change... If you liked Thank You and Your Welcome, this is where the idea for that book came from...Great book!
Yes, doing stuff alone changes your life. I HATE it when women, especially, get mad because no one wants to do something with them. I catch myself at times complaining and then I remember: 'just go alone.' It does not make you a loser. It actually makes you a better, bolder person for it. I am my best company. Now thanks to Twitter, I'm never alone. ;-) In fact, I had dinner solo twice this week. When I'm hungry I don't have time to wait for kneegrows. And catching a NBA finals game dolo at a bar full of single men is AWESOME! It draws all attention to the hott sexy single female cheering! The men were surprised that I came alone yet intrigued with the having a lady to banter with. Can't wait til next season to do it again!!!
I'm proud to say most things on your list I've accomplished and I have 4 years to go before I'm 30. (Well come Saturday I will have 4 years. GO CANCERS!) I may not be there chronologically but mentally, I'm well on my way! Tootles!
What about "mental, emotional and spiritual growth is a life long process"? Many of the list items and comments alluded to this, but I'm saying it outright so that it isn't overlooked.
Contrary to popular belief, there's no limit to the amount of personal growth that a person can achieve.
I loved th post on reading. Thea's a saying that goes something like "thieves are sometimes better than fools because, unlike fools, they at least take a break. Stupidity or ignorance is not one of those things you can leave by your bedside and it will show some how. Beautiful writing. Love both parts.
Love the list!! I'm a few years past 30 and I've accomplished some of what's on the list and working on the rest. I recently traveled from the UK to Thailand on my own...single black female doing her thang...YAY me!! I'll have to do the make-up and career thing when I get home...(whenever that may be..enjoying this solo thing a little bit too much).
It's my b'day next week too...shout out to all the Cancerians...:o)
Right on Belle.
re: lies and lying, a good treatment by errol morris: http://morris.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/05/seven-lies-about-lying-part-1/