I agree and more than anything I feel so bad for his wife and four sons. What type of message does this leave for four young men who bare the last name McNair. What legacy does this leave.

I also have a great issue with older men who prey on younger women... you said it right Belle, how can a 20 year old ever compete with the experience of a 36 year old married man. He has had emotional experiences that she can only dream of.

This is a very sad situation and a terrible way to die. Passion killings are not new... hopefully McNair's celebrity can bring nation attention to this issue. May both of them rest in peace.

B

First, I hoped/knew/glad you touched this subject, this blog was the first to come to mind after the details came out.

Second, calling him a "sorry ass husband and father" is wrong as hell. We don't know how he treated his kids to call him a that, and we don't know how his wife was treated besides this incident. What does all this say about McNair? All I truly get is that he's human and that he was killed by a distraught women.

I won't even go out and call that women a sorry ass b*tch because I don't know what he was doing to her or how her mental state was due to her upbringing and so on.

I do agree that we 20 y/o's that are more wiser than our peers are in the minority, but common sense goes a long way.

Basically, suicide is a coward move. Murder-suicide is even worse. I don't think its right to speak negatively on a man who has been a good role model to a lot of people, and who's only flaw is that he strayed. Was he wrong? Yes. Should it have taken his life? No.

If anything needs to be taken from this, its that guys need to be careful the type of women they associate with...and that cheating is wrong, but women can be crazy sometimes. And if you're just adding to the craziness, thats not a situation you should be in...no matter how appealing it may be.

McNair's legacy will be that he was a great athlete, who helped the community and beat all odds in succeeding in a position reserved for white males....not the fact that he was murdered in this way.

Same way Sam Cooke's legacy is his music, as well as Jame's Brown, Mike Jackson, etc.

I had a feeling you would touch on this topic and I agree with you 100%. As a married woman myself ( no kids) how I will handle a situation like hat by myself, much less with 4 kids. As a man who had a successful career no one will remember that, his legacy will be cheating husband who was killed by his lover. Eerily enough that the way my ex bf dad was killed.

"Spare me the "well, I'm 20 and I don't..." especially when you got a member or 4 in your crew who do. "
ROLLING! I pictured that friend oh too well.

When I was younger I dated an older man. Found out he was married and bounced despite him trying to sell me DREAMS. I empathize with Kamezi. I don't know what he was selling her, but it must have been cooked in someone's basement for her to react the way she did to XYZ.

I wish society was able to see things equally when it comes to adultery. The mistress is seen as a whore, but the husband is just a cheater? The seesaw appears to be tipped to one side.

@A male...

First I must say that any way you slice it, this is a tragic and sad situation for everyone involved.

Second, to say that suicide is a coward move is insane. The majority of people that commit suicide are not cowards, but tortured and troubled people, who in that moment, feel that death is better than the hell they feel is their daily life. All they are seeking is relief from whatever pain or hurt they are feeling. Is it wrong of them to feel that death is the only answer? Yes. But clearly they were not mentally stable otherwise they would be able to see and understand that there are people around them that care and are willing to help them overcome the darkness they see no end to. But would I call them cowards....absolutely not!

Finally, I must attempt to defend Belle for a second. For one, she crossed out the "sorry ass" part to her statement, but assuming that is how she felt on some level, in my opinion, she is more than justified. You say Steve McNair's only flaw is that he strayed....I say it's not his only flaw, just the fatal one. Yes, he strayed and no, he didn't deserve to die because of it, but the man clearly was not the best husband and father. In addition to his adulterer flaw, he was also a liar, manipulator and neglectful.

While he was off gallivanting in the streets shacking up with this woman, who was being a father to his kids? A husband to his wife? Making sure the mortgage is paid and the kids have clothes and food is not all it takes to be a good husband and father. Being home on the holidays (or every other depending on how demanding the mistress was) does not make a stable and happy home.

When he was supposed to be tucking his sons in at night, he was out drinking and screwing his side piece; a young, naive girl to whom he sold dreams of grandeur and visions of happily ever after. Instead of being a role model to his children, showing them a good example of a man who upholds his sacred vows, respects the woman in his life and takes care of business, he was out blatantly lying to and disrespecting his wife, all while squandering his kids college funds on Range Rovers and mortgage payments for his PYT.

Where was the role model example for his family? Where was the honor and respect for his wife? Why wasn't he holding her at night? And if they were having problems, why wasn't he spending all that free tricking time he had in counseling trying to make things work or at the very least coming to a respectful and peaceful dissolution of the marriage? I highly doubt that Belle was dismissing the great athlete he was or the positive role model he may have been to other people, but no matter how many roses or toys he bought it is clear by his actions that he was not a good husband and father.

At the end of the day, it's just a sad situation and no one comes out a winner.

Sorry for the mini rant...

"Second, calling him a "sorry ass husband and father" is wrong as hell. We don't know how he treated his kids to call him a that, and we don't know how his wife was treated besides this incident. "

I feel comfortable calling him a sorry as husband because he was cheating on his wife and telling the next chick that he was gonna leave his wife to be with her. You don't say that when you're a good husband. You also don't get killed by your GF when you're a good husband or buy cars for another woman when you're a good husband and take chicks who are not your wife or relative on vacay. I wasn't actually intending to call him a sorry ass father (that's just a matter of how the sentence was set up), but I will now that l think about it. Good fathers aren't suddenly absent from their kids lives because they fucked around Mommy and got killed in the process. FOUR BOYS will grow to be men without their fathers influence because he cheated. He didn't die in the line of fire. He did some dumb shit and got killed for it. That's sorry ass all the way around.

I've noticed quite often that men look a cheating as "I was just fucking that girl, I was gonna get right back" (cue Jay-Z) without considering the very real consequences of their actions-- like at the very least the wife's grief, how it could affect the family, the diseases he could bring home to his wife (condoms break and herpes is easily spread with one), the possibility for outside children, and the drama that they are placing themselves and their families in, a wife leaving with half. The repercussions of cheating are far and wide. I'd say just ask McNair, but uh...

How he will be remembered will depend on who's doing the remembering. ESPN fans will remember him as a great athlete who went out wrong. The general non-sports public will remember him as the dude who banged out the young of unmentioned ethnic origin chick who killed him. Everyone remembers Marvin Gaye, and they remember he got shot by his Dad. You can't have a MJ discussion even now before he's in the ground with someone bringing up the molestation charges and Jesus juice.

McNair was a great athlete I hear. He did a lot for the community. But he was also a f*ck up in his private life.

"In addition to his adulterer flaw, he was also a liar, manipulator and neglectful."

Thanks for bringing that up (and for the defense.) I think people who cheat forget about the deception and all the lying that goes on.

"Yes, he strayed and no, he didn't deserve to die because of it."

He DEFINITELY did not deserve to die. For his wife and the kids to leave with more than half? Yes. Death for cheating? It's a shameful thing to do but no one deserves to die from it (unless perhaps he brought some incurable ish home to his wife. I'm on the fence for that one.)

You know, I feel bad for Chris Brown. He was such a young man, you know, doesn't know no better. What is he, 19? Trying to live his life and thinks he has a good woman. And then that little island b*tch is gonna get mouthy?!!!? In his car?! Does she even have a green card? I feel bad he had to go through all that public judgment and people saying mean things about him just because he had to break his foot off in her ass like that. If she woulda just her damn trap, none of this would have befallen poor Chris Brown.

That's what some of y'all sound like right now. I get that it's natural for you to put yourself in either one of the women's shoes, but please get a grip. This ADULT woman (she's an adult. Let's stop pretending that you're entitled to be a naive dumbass teenager until you're in your mid-twenties. She can legally own a gun and join the armed forces. She can sit on a jury and sentence one of her fellow Americans to death) KILLLED four kids' father, many people's friend, and a wife's husband. Because she was so selfish that if she couldn't have him, no one could, including his kids. Cry me a river. Was he a good husband? I don't know. This whole incident suggests probably not. But to justify someone's lack of responsibility for KILLING a man because of that? Think about what you're saying. To whoever said that suicide isn't a coward's way out, murdering someone and then killing yourself IS a coward's way out. There's no way around that.

Here's the second point. When you rationalize the irrational and try to forgive the unforgivable because a man "sold dreams of grandeur and visions of happily ever after", what do you think you're saying to the world about women's ability to be rational? If a woman gets out of college without the job she wants, are you going to understand when she kills her guidance counselor? This fits into the worst kind of hysterical, emotionally crazed woman unable to get hold of her passions stereotype out there. If you want to hide behind the rationale that there's some justification because of that, you're heading down a slippery slope where women aren't allowed to be CEO's of companies because they "think with their heart instead of their head."

Scuse the rant

I'm glad you wrote about this because i was just feeling the need to write a blog post. I don't feel bad for anyone involved for this - - including his wife. I think that any woman knows when her man/boyfriend/husband is stepping outside of their relationship. Whether she chooses to address this, ignore it, or whatever is her own decision but I think that women always know what's going on with their man... The fact that he's an athlete too! Well, obviously he had a side piece. Now, the fact that she was this random 20 yo that actually ended up killing him... well, that's the story right there. Most jump offs know how to play their role but in this case who knows what she was being told and I guess she really didn't have the smarts to know it was just game because unfortunately they're both dead. Death ahs been running rampant lately. It's like the grim reaper is walking around just picking people off.

[disclaimer: this is probably written really sloppy]

@ Dee:

I'll give you the suicide thing, I understand that but I feel like death is the easy way out. I know some people have it real bad out there, but for the sake of this topic a married man who won't leave his wife for you is not suicide worthy imo. People need to understand life is not gonna be easy, especially if you're looking for the easy way out.

True she crossed it out, but she left it there for a reason and i decided to speak on it. To say it was a fatal flaw is very misleading. What if I decided to steal a candy bar from a store, and while eating it i choke on it and die. Did I die because I stole it? No. That might be a bad analogy but do you see what I'm trying to say?

Who says he wasn't present in the kids lives? I love how how these assumptions are painting him to be deemed whose then what we actually know. All we know now is that he had a girlfriend for several months, she lived in a condo co-owned by him and drove a car under their name....and went on a trip with McNair. It hasn't been confirmed that his wife didn't know or anything else. Who says he wasn't home for the holidays? He got killed before the 4th so he didn't have a chance. Who says he doesn't have a savings account already set up for his kids? To say he wasn't paying his mortgage is ridiculous. Almost everything you said there was an assumption.

Because a man cheats does not mean he is not there for his kids. It makes him a bad husband, yes I agree, but not a bad husband. We have no proof he was neglecting to his kids. We don't know the facts of their marriage, but I agree cheating is not the way to go. I just feel like yall are going a little too hard on this.

@ Belle

He got killed because he made a mistake. That does not make him a bad father in my book. Lets not blame the victim here, and lets not demonize the young lady as well....but the picture you guys are painting of him is mostly of assumptions imo.

"I'd say just ask McNair, but uh..."
Thats a low ass comment. Respect the dead a little, can we? Cheating is wrong, and a coward move imo. I will never defend that in any case, but we all are human. This is just a tragic case that didn't need to occur.

Legacy means what they are remembered for. When I think of Marvin Gaye, first thing that comes to mind is "Whats Goin On", Michael will always have "Thriller". They both died tragically, but we remembered them for how they lived and what they contributed not how they died.

Someone like Ike Turner is an example of a tarnished legacy, he was famous for beating Tina and died of a cocaine overdose. All these other men lived lives that made people appreciate their greatness.

whoa, Brendon just wrote some real shit, ignore my post haha

i'm not forgiving her. I'm not excusing her. I just don't think ALL the blame/responsibility of this incident should be put on her. When you play in dirt, you get dirty. McNair is not a clean-cut victim in all this. He played a HUGE part in what happened. So did her age and the fact that she was manipulated about by an older man. (you cannot compare the maturity/knowledge of an average 20 year old to an average 36 y.o.) McNair didn't just get killed, he got himself killed.

20, legally, is an adult. But looking back, it's a step out of diapers (sorry, 20 year olds. Rest assured that in 5 years you will look at your pictures from today and wonder "how was I allowed to cross the street alone?) Yes, she should have an understanding of the meaning of a life and taking one. But relationships? That takes awhile. Legal at 20? yes. Mature? Maybe for your age. But in general? That's rare.

She's responsible. So is he. It's not some clear case where you can say, it's ALL ON HER. And yes, I feel for the chick. And most women will to because if you're of dating age-- surely you had some dude play you and felt the rage that chick probably had.

I think this far from saying that women are irrational. I'm talking about HER, not all women. EVERY woman feels rage, the VAST majority check themselves and don't do anything stupid.

let's not act like flipping out and killing someone is a female-only trait. Plenty of men do it to because someone duped them as well. My first year in NYC a chick got killed every week for six weeks my a current or ex BF.

the CB anaolgy doesn't work. Rhi wasn't playing in dirt or ignoring her responsibilities to a husband or even a man. she was leaving a party with her BF.

The day I kill someone's mom because "she sold me big dreams" and leased me an Escalade and then take my own life like a miserable coward, if any of you are writing my obituary, please don't try to justify it, or shift a little blame on the woman because she made me feel like my dick was gold for a little while and then pulled the rug out from under me (how dare she go back to her husband). Just say this: "Brandon St. Randy murdered the woman he was having an affair because she wouldn't leave her husband. He couldn't face the consequences so he offed myself like a coward." Let me burn in hell in peace without making it like she was a responsible party.

"He got killed because he made a mistake."

No. He got killed because he WILLFULLY chose to REPEATEDLY lie and cheat and manipulate his wife and this woman. Stop acting like he just fell in the p*ssy.

Men gotta stop separating how you can do the mother of your kids wrong and still be a good father. When you shit on your wife, your ultimately sh*tting on your kids. Treating your wife bad is synonymous withe treating your kids wrong.

There's really no arguing that time spent with the side chick could have been better spent doing something with his wife and kids or the money he spent on her would not have been better spent on something involving the family.

I won't respect a man who didn't respect himself or his family. You are admiring a man for how he played a game, what he did professionally. What he did personally is much more a measure of who he is. Being a great athlete is not a character trait. It's a job.

I don't understand how you separate the men from the product they produced. When I think of Marvin Gaye, I think of a great singer with a drug problem who died tragically by his father's gun. I don't choose to just look at all of the good or all of the bad. I think of R. Kelly, I think of TP2.com, Chocolate Factory and that he peed on a little girl. That's one dimensional to remember just one side of a person when they were multi-faceted.

BSt.Randy: you are ssooooooo dramatic today.

You're also a full-fledged adult and not an impressionable barely out of his teens "man."

I've already heard this situation being referred to as being "McNaired". It's sad but true that most non-ESPN folks will remember him this way. They don't care that he went to Alcorn State. They won't care about his record with the Titans or his short stay with the Ravens--they'll only remember that he was shot and killed by a crazy Iraqi/Iranian/Saudi chick who was obviously used to getting her own way. When will people learn...

Some say he just made "a mistake". I'm sure that's what would be comforting to Mechelle, Steve Jr, Steven, Tyler and Trenton.

Thank God for Brandon St. Randy's post! I really didn't feel like typing all that out. You girls need to really examine your views when it comes to the female ego. I understand empathy, but yall are WILDIN with these assumptions and death sentences yall are co-signing on! And nowhere was it confirmed that he told this woman he was gonna leave his wife (even if he did, he didn't deserve to die.) she told her sister she expected him to (or so her sister said). Of course her sister wanted the situation to be more understandable, and didn't want her sister to look like a whore/sidepiece (I would've probably said that about my sister if she got caught out there like that) without a plan. But him tellin her that he was gonna leave his wife is you guys' assumption based on her sister's testimony.

"To say he wasn't paying his mortgage is ridiculous. Almost everything you said there was an assumption."
Speak on it! I was so disappointed in Belle for that. I wasn't so appalled when the media did such about MJ, because I know what to expect with them.

Wow. I can't believe some of you women are on here making a murderer out as a victim and an adulterer out to be the most despicable thing on Earth. I feel terrible for his wife and kids, but I won't remember him as a sorry ass father because I have no reason to believe that. I'll remember the great reputation he had as a role model and quarterback. Just like I'll remember the impact Martin Luther King Jr. had moreso than I will remember the adultery he committed. I don't think either of these flaws will take away from their legacies.

I'm not saying he "just feel in the pussy" the mistake was having a relationship with this other women and letting it get to where it went. That's one mistake, and a really bad one. We don't know if his wife knew about it or not, but if she didn't then yes thats the same mistake. Cheating is lying/fucking/manipulating all together.

HIs family's norm of living is not the average person's. As a pro-athlete he didn't see his kids everyday like regular good parents do. That being said, how do we know he wasn't going through a midlife crisis? I mean this man just retired and was not finding something to replace the void in his life that it caused at home. If we're willing to explain shorty's murder and give her some lax, we could do the same for McNair as well. And he had an abundance of money, nothing he spent on her was really breaking the bank for him in a way it would effect his home. The time can be made for a good argument...but again, he played 15 years with him being on the road for a lot of it, so it wasn't so weird for him to not be there.

I'm not admiring him for being an athlete (I don't think I'm really even admiring him), but what I will admire about him is the fact that he made me believe that a Black man can play a role that was exclusively for a white man...not only that but be successful. This man MARRIED his wife, not because she was pregnant, but because he loved her. They didn't have kids until a lot later. This is a BLACK MAN who all before this incident was one of those black men you yourself would admire Belle. I refuse to crucify a man for making a mistake until he can redeem himself, that goes for Chris Brown and any other man who has made a mistake in their life. Lets not brand them as 'Bad Folks'. I would get biblical but I don't wanna put religion in here haha

When I named their products, I was trying to say that I remembered the beauty they left behind. Those labors they did affected my life growing up, that's the legacy that I'll remember. I'm aware of their back story but that does not affect my view of them

I don't condone cheating, but none of us know about the quality of the relationship that he had with his wife. Maybe he was miserable but didn't want to divorce her. I also don't believe that any of us know enough about the state of their marriage to make a judgment about it.

Obviously, the mistress had some serious unresolved issues. The only reasonable judgment that can be made with absolute certainty about McNair is that he committed a very grave error by being involved with her.

No. He got killed because he WILLFULLY chose to REPEATEDLY lie and cheat and manipulate his wife and this woman. Stop acting like he just fell in the p*ssy.

Men gotta stop separating how you can do the mother of your kids wrong and still be a good father. When you shit on your wife, your ultimately sh*tting on your kids. Treating your wife bad is synonymous withe treating your kids wrong.

Preach!

What don't men understand about that?

Why is that so hard a concept to grasp?

SMH.

"To say he wasn't paying his mortgage is ridiculous. Almost everything you said there was an assumption."

Speak on it! I was so disappointed in Belle for that. I wasn't so appalled when the media did such about MJ, because I know what to expect with them.

Uh, don't be disappointed in me. I didn't write that. LOL!

Please stop calling it "a mistake." He didn't drop an envelope in a mailbox without forgetting to put a stamp on it. HE REPEATEDLY CHEATED on his wife, that means more than once. And it's been reported that the wife didn't know he was seeing someone else. If we're going to speculate on what is and is not true from what's been reported from CNN and the credible like, then we might as well not discuss anything since all news can be made up.

If he wasn't in his kid's life for 15 years because of work, it's kinda high time he got involved instead of hanging out with his mistress. I'm just saying...

NOBODY is saying that he deserved to die. And adulterer is a despicable thing. It should be treated as such. Maybe it was viewed so negatively for men the way it is for women, fewer men would do so... or at the very least they would be more discreet. I'm not brushing off repeatedly lying to and deceiving your spouse and putting her health and your family at risk as just "a one-time mistake."

her sister looks like a whore/sidepiece whether the sister says he was planning to leave his wife or not. She was dating a man who she knew was married. There's no way out of those two labels by the masses.

@ amale: I see your point on the "mid-life crisis" thing. (although 36 has never before been considered midlife. I get where you're going with the end of his career and searching for something.) if I can say she was more likely to do something rash because of her age, then I must allow for the same argument for him. That said, I think that makes them both equally, morally weak.

the man should be remembered for both what he did on the field and how he lived his life-- from the community service to the adultery to how he died and everything in between.

Sometimes our actions can have the ultimate consequence. I don't wish death on anyone, but any one action could result in you taking your last breath, be it jaywalking or having one two many drinks and getting behind the wheel.

I'm a sports fan, so I will remember his contributions to the game. And they were tremendous; he helped obliterate the stereotype that a black man can't play in a "thinking man's position." I will also remember his tragic death and that he could've given so much more to his family, his community and to the sports world (perhaps as a player's rep?).

If anything, I hope his death serves as a cautionary tale to people stepping out on their spouse. Bottom line, it's not worth it. If you can't or won't get divorced, get back in there and work on your marriage. You took an oath, made a promise to someone. This is like a 100 year cell phone contract (no out clauses, heavy fees for breaking it). If you have family, isn't it worth it, for the sake of your family, the children you brought into this world, to raise them in a loving, nurturing home?

@ Belle: "Men gotta stop separating how you can do the mother of your kids wrong and still be a good father. When you shit on your wife, your ultimately sh*tting on your kids. Treating your wife bad is synonymous withe treating your kids wrong." -- realest thing you ever wrote. When you're cheating on your wife, it's not just affecting one person. Kids pick up on things between parents, and most are aware enough to know when there's something funny going on. You betray your wife, your kids, and both your families. And trust that it leaves your children with serious emotional scars. The emotional cost is just as great, if not greater than what you'd have to pay out of pocket to divorce.

"No. He got killed because he WILLFULLY chose to REPEATEDLY lie and cheat and manipulate his wife and this woman."

No. He got killed because some woman got disillusion and MURDERED him. Mind you, this was the chick who left her fiance of like 5 years to be with a married man. I don't know her and I don't speak ill of the dead. But to me, that sounds like she found a better deal and jumped ship when other folks started making Escalade payments and putting condo's in her name. I'm not arguing that his part in this whole deal wasn't probably pretty despicable. But let the punishment fit the crime.

Let me put it in perspective. You read my vegas blog. Let's say that I decided to keep rolling with Married Chick. Little weekend getaways and shit, get it in on the sly. Which she was more than willing to do. I KNOW she's married. There's no confusion there. Then let's say she had a change of heart. She's not going to leave her husband. And I shoot her in the face until you need to take DNA samples to identify the body. You gonna write a blog about how you feel sorry for me and she brought this on herself?

So we are making all these accusations without actually being in the marriage. A news publication is saying that McNair's wife was unaware of the "affair" and the crazy chics sister said she said he was going to leave his wife... Who really believes that the wife didnt know? Who really believes that the crazy chic was telling her sister the truth! Cmon.. really. Belle and others yall can write all the " sorry ass, and no good this... and horrible that" but lets not pretend the wife didnt know, she was being taken care of, his sons were being taken care of this young selfish chic took his life, because she probably flipped out cuz she realized she was a piece of ass. Suck it up, you got a condo and a truck out of it... dont murder the dude...