Happy 30th Birthday to me!!!!
Thursday, July 9, 2009 at 12:29AM Wow. 30.
I was born on my first cousin, Kaye's, 20th birthday. Somewhere around age 10, I realized she was 30. 30? That seemed so old.
And now I'm 30.
I don't feel old. Matter of fact, I don't even feel grown. Don't feel like I've arrived, still got aways to go on my path. But I can see the destination. It's still on a hill, but I'm not looking from the bottom of the valley anymore. I can carve a clear path if I stay focused.
30.
I'm sitting in the subway on the way home from work as I type this. It's 11:28PM. It's occurred to me that I will turn 30 on the subway. That's okay. I don't remember where I was the moment I turned 25, much less 20. At 40, this would be a blip on my radar if I wasn't chronicling it here.
The summer I turned 20, I was prepping to go study abroad. I avoided any emotional attachments because I didn't want anyone to say goodbye to. This summer? I'm leaving the country with my boo, and I can't think of a person before him I'm more attached to.
New York was a dream then. I just wanted to get here. Didn't have a clue what I'd do. Hadn't even applied for grad school. I would graduate in May 2000 and had no clue what to do. I called myself being grown at 20 since I had a college degree. I was scared of the future.
It turned out pretty okay. I fulfilled the dream of getting my byline in my then-favorite magazine. I toiled at jobs I hated for 5 years, and went home miserable everyday, but never gave up (although I wanted to many times.) I wanted to be a Black Carrie Bradshaw, became one, and realized that wasn't what I wanted. Real life I better than any fictional character.
30
I thought at 30, I'd have a wardrobe of pinstripe pantsuits with pumps, grow the hearts out of the side of my head, and take my boobies off the glass. I don't that's going to happen. I may be an old lady with designs in my head, and as long as my legs stay tight, I'm wearing a mini. I realize I'll probably be a Betsey Johnson type of grown. Wearing crazy ish just because it makes me happy. Boobies on the glass? I'll bring em out for special occasions and holidays.
30
Jay-Z's "Girls, Girls, Girls" came out my senior year. I was dating a deejay and when he heard the song he told me there was a verse about me.
I got this model chick that don't cook or clean
But she dress her ass off and her walk is mean
Only thing wrong with ma she's always on the scene
God damn she's fine but she parties all the time
I never thought I'd get sick of partying, but I have. Hangovers and late nights aren't for me. I thought about stopping by the liquor store on the way home to buy a bottle of Cliquot. Eh... I'll just take a Tequila shot in Mexico tomorrow! Anyway, clubs make me nauseous and industry parties ain't what they used to be. I'd rather have dinner or brunch or even stay home and write. It's funny. I wanted nothing more at 25 than a job with an email address that would get me into parties. Now that I actually get invited instead of crashing, I don't want to go. Perhaps it was the thrill of the chase.
30
I learned a LOT this year. Got rid of a lot of my baggage. I grew up. Still got aways to go, but that's part of the journey. Learned to compromise. Leaned to let go and let God. Learned that life isn't fair, but it always evens out. I missed out a job I really wanted. Lucked up on getting something that I forgot was a dream (My Access Hollywood segment airs on TVOne on July 12. Follow me on Twitter for times.) Learned to let a man lead. That was hard as hell. But I also learned every leader isn't trying to squash opposition and if you communicate you can solve damn near anything. Sounds simple, it isn't. I lost 12 pounds. Looks weird. My cheeks are still full (genetic trait) but they're not fluffy. I didn't notice till everyone-- men and women-- were like, "you lost weight?!" I look in the mirror and still see fluffy. (Mind you, I am not skinny.) I quit smoking. Let my lungs breathe. Hopefully, I did it in time to prevent any diseases. I don't feel invincible anymore, and I think about old age, retirements and 401ks more than I do a lot of other things. My priorities changed. I stopped holding people to standards I couldn't meet or hold myself too. I let people be who they are flaws and all and hoped they'd do the same in return. I wrote some great stories. Learned the power of ESSENCE and its influence. Got a bitter backlash that hurt my feelings. Learned a lot about being editor and a writer and a person off that. I think I need another 30 years in the magazine business before I really get it though. I hope to be like one of the women in my office who is a walking Thesaurus and shares her knowledge and wisdom freely. Oh, and I got called ma'am. It bothered me. But it was nice to know that I was given respect for my age. I'll take that over pssst, pssst anyday. I learned that you can't change emotional problems with geographical locations. So I made peace with my ish, and moved on. I was sitting in a meeting one day and I realized I had my dream job. Everybody doesn't get to live the dream.
30
I have been a rover
I have walked alone
Searched a hundred highways
And never found a home
Still in all I'm happy
The reason is you see
One in awhile along the way
(Life)'s been good to me.
-Nina Simone, Love's Been Good to Me
30
I'm here. Ha!
I've lived well.
Learned a lot.
Doesn't feel like a milestone
But I guess it is.
Thanks for following the journey. I''m going to pack for my trip.
-Belle
PS- Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Much appreciated.
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Reader Comments (62)
You're taking 30 a lot better then I'm going to take it.
I will probably get drunk an cry.
SMH.
happy bday baby gurl....welcome to the club.. i saved you a spot right up front.. so everyone can admire> :-)
I was waiting for this post.
Thanks!
I have a month and 2wks to go
Happy Birthday Belle. Congratulations also hitting the 30 mark and having accomplished so much. It gives us 20 year olds a lot to think about.
Have fun on your vacay!
Very well written Belle (not that I should be surprised) I hope to embrace the "third floor" with the same level of grace and class
Happy Birthday, Miss Belle!! You are truly a "friend in my head" and even when I'm fussing at you through the computer screen, you really crack me up and make so much sense!
I'll be 30 in eight months (I'm SOOO looking forward to it) and I have one thing in particular that I need to make happen by then. It could have probably happened long ago were it not for procrastination (I swear it can be your downfall if you let it) but I'm working on it. That's another story for another day.
Anyway, Happy Birthday honey and enjoy your trip!
Happy Birthday! you are so wise! I really love reading your posts.. you give me a lot of insight on what to expect in the 2-5 yrs to come. I am really learning a lot about people as well. Thanks for sharing!
Happy Birthday!!! I mentioned to almost a stalkerish (heard about Marion Barry??) degree that you inspire me. It's wonderful to be able to accomplish so much and be recognized and appreciated for it. Enjoy your vacay and whatever you do don't stop writing.
That was so beautiful. I'm all teary eyed @ 5am. I feel so reflected in this piece. I also turn 30 next month. Wow. Change is certain, growth is optional. This was an amazing story of growth. Peace.
Happy Birthday! I am wishing you many more birthdays til you live to see your great great grandkids! Mwah!!!!
This is so beautiful that my eyes welled up with tears. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday Belle!
I turned 27 on Monday, and I reflected on how far I've come, and I'm looking forward to it getting better.
I used to dread getting older, but now I embrace it, and I hope I bring in my 30th birthday with the same class that you did.
Feliz Cumpleanos Belle:)!! Have a fab time with your manfriend. Amazing post and you continue to keep us inspired. And the reason you were called ma'am wasnt your age, but the way you carry yourself!
Happy Birthday Belle!!!
Wow! Your thoughts on 30 are amazing and i think you are truly a gift to all of us that read your blog. I definately wouldn't be the woman i am and becoming had it not been for my 'Big Sister' all the way in NYC sharing her life lessons, and more. I used to be terrified of birthdays but after getting hooked on your blog last year and reading your 28 things i know for sure, i did my own, i go back to both often and realise how much i've grown and how much i thought i knew but did not. So now i'm facing 25, thoughts of moving to my own version of NYC and accomplishing my dream. Not everyone gets to live the dream, but with alot of faith and encouragement from someone who has travelled the journey, and arrived at the destination beautifully, i'm that much more confident in ME.
So before i pull a Bond (said with love) live well, live beautifully and live as the best version of you there is.
Thanks Miss Belle and all the best on your journey and have a fantastic birthday weekend!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLE!!!
I am excited to hear your wisdom and realization of things that of come to past. I have just entered into the last year of my 20's and i cant wait to feel and reflect what u have done today. I wish you many blessings this day. Happy B-day!!
Happy Birthday!
Great reflections.
Happy Birthday. 30 is relly the less importnt birthday, all things said. #0 is just an overtime period for yout 20's. 31 is the one where it all gets thick. Cause then you'e "in your 30's." Enjoy.
Happy Birthday Belle! Enjoy the day and I wish you many many more.
Happy Birthday Belle! I'm one year behind you so I appreciate hearing your thoughts, especially since I can really relate to a lot of what you're saying. I thought by 29/30, etc. I would be an "adult," wearing suits, married, in the suburbs and have to adapt to some sort of homhum existence, but nope, I still dress crazy and have fun (don't do the clubs and drinking like I used to) and am raising the poster child for cuteness (my 4year old daughter) by myself. So, thanks for the being an example of success that doesn't come at the price of boredom. Have a great trip!
lbelle
HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY BELLE!!
Reading your post made me think of myself and how I'm learning some of the same lessons as I approach the big 3-0 (Monaco 2011 anyone!!!) I'm soooooo excited to turn thirty and see where this next chapter in my fabulous life takes me and I hope the story I tell is as wonderful and inspiring as yours. Enjoy your day!!
Happy 30th Birthday Belle!! I turned 25 a few months ago and you make me look forward to turning 30. I realize that in the next 5 years, I can accomplish so much in such a short time. You motivate me, you inspire me, thanks for always being you!
Have fun in Mexico
Happy birthday, Belle! You should be proud of everything you've accomplished and the life you've lived. Here's to a prosperous, healthy future, filled with love, joy, and triumphs!
Belle! Tears:-) I have seen your growth the last few years...it's been amazing to watch! Love ya!
Happy Birthday!! Hope it's happy, great and very blessed!
Safe travels!!