The Root: 10 Friends a Black Woman Needs to Get By

10 FriendsSeveral weeks ago a black woman in Louisiana was kidnapped by her boyfriend when she went to pick up their child from day care. The police did a requisite search for her but came up empty. That’s when her family got involved.

An uncle and other male relatives tracked the woman down to an abandoned home in the sticks. They heard her cries as they approached the house. And that’s when a cousin sprang into action. Like something out of a Hollywood thriller, he busted down the door to the house. When he saw the boyfriend stabbing his relative, he shot and killed the man.

In the news photos accompanying the story, the woman is shown being cradled in her uncle’s arms as he appears to be loading her into a vehicle. She’s cut up bad, clearly scared but alive, thanks to him and other family members.

I read that story and thought, “Dang, every single woman needs men like this in her life—problem solvers” who get things “handled” like Olivia Pope. That got me to thinking about what other types of people—male and female—a lady needs to get by. This is what I came up with:


1. The “Elder” Stateswoman

She’s got seven to 10 years on you, and those few years give her an insight to your life that is priceless. She’s young enough to remember how she was at your age, and old enough to help you sidestep unnecessary drama, especially when it comes to work and men. Whatever advice she gives, 99 percent of it turns out to be right.

2. A Lady Problem Solver*

You have a good reputation and some sense, but every now and again a situation occurs when using them doesn’t solve a problem quickly. You can’t be caught acting a fool, but she doesn’t care and is willing to take the heat. When you’re at a party, if someone’s flirting with your man, she will handle it. When you find out your man is cheating, she’s willing to confront the woman (even though it’s not really the woman’s fault). You got beef, she asks, “Do I need to come up there?” (The correct answer is no.) Whenever there’s drama, she’s got your back.

3. The “All the Way Turned Up” Friend*

She’s not your day-to-day friend because you’re grown folk with a real job—and, let’s face it, too dang old to be in the club every night with her. But when you need to plan your birthday party, your bachelorette party, your get-over-an-ex party, she knows where to go—and she knows the doorman and the manager, wherever that is. She’s never a dull moment on vacation, but you can’t talk about those details—what happened in Vegas (or anywhere else) stays in Vegas.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. stcdmrtn says:

    OMG my first opinion of you was questionable. Then after that brunch with Daisy, I see you 100% in me and how my ‘friends’ view me. I feel most women live in what I call the rose (rose colored glasses) and their behavior in their relationships reflect that. When I was dating I gave my man 2 yrs. After that year 1/2 and I was not seeing progression, by the time 2nd year hit I left the relationship. What was great is that they were very clear of ‘our’ relationship expectations. I do believe that is why I never ever had bad break-up (ever)! My vision was I did not need to waste my time on a relationship that was not moving forward. Staying meant blocking what God had for me. And behold, I found my SoulMate at the age of 44, and married him 1 yr later. My marriage is not perfect, but it is great beyond great. We laugh, travel, support one another etc. It is somber b/c 2 of my ‘closest’ friends now associates, (one married, one has a boyfriend in prison-successful 6figure woman) became very much non-supportive. It seems they liked when I was in and out and single/celibate…!! Now they have done a 180, my married friend said she has not gotten use to me being married (I got married 2009) the other said I think I know it all, been everywhere, seen everything, and that ATL is everything. Where I find we are mirror are our relationship views, our views of women as leaders. I feel the ladies you were conversing with on the couch are lingering in their past broken relationships and believing the myths you have to snoop, and etc a man you do not trust. If they gain that inner confidence they will attract men that are their equal. My husband is the leader in our relationship and I stand beside him PLUS we have each others BACK. You are not crazy. It’s just you are dealing with the typical broken female that until they gain their SELF confidence and SELF worth they will be entangled in the ROSE

    • Cream458 says:

      Beautifully stated!! I can appreciate both of your thoughts on these life situations. It does provoke conversation on one’s own personal ideals. I struggle with the “allowing a man to be a man” particularly when they don’t show the capabilities of doing so. I don’t enjoy my friends stating when I end a relationship/marriage that I “spoil my men”. I give respectfully that which I desire to receive from my partner in life. Is that a crime or me setting myself up for failure? Just perfect timing ; the show and your blog. I am looking forward to tonight’s episode and on Amazon ordering your books.

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