The Root: 10 Types of Black Guys Every Woman Has Dated

10GuysDatedEarlier this week the Washington Post published a list of “The 10 D.C. Guys We’ve All Dated.” It included “the chill Republican dude” who wears shirts with whales on them, “the organic kale guy” who makes homemade quiche and “the Clarendon guy” who downs shots of Fireball and never misses brunch.

While I’m sure there are chill black Republicans with whale shirts, black guys who enjoy organic greens and those who never miss Sunday brunch, the list read as if it were made for a certain population — namely the yuppie 20- and 30-something transplants who have taken over the city — and some black readers just didn’t get it or weren’t feeling it.

“What a biased list,” wrote one commenter, who created her own (hilarious) list of black “types” one may encounter in the nation’s capital. “It’s sad stories like this [that] overlook the people who have been living in this city for generations. HELLO! We are still here and we read the paper too.”

Well, we at The Root heard you loud and clear, and we’ve created our own, more inclusive list of “The 10 Guys Black Women From Anywhere May Actually Have Dated” — hopefully only briefly.

1. The God

At 35 he has two degrees, a six-figure income, no kids and a mortgage. And yes, he’s straight. On paper, he sounds ideal. How is he single? Because in person he’s a nightmare. He’s convinced himself that his presence is a present, and he reminds you of that (and his “accomplishments”) at every opportunity.


  • 2. The ‘Single’ Husband

    Of course you didn’t know he was married, or you never would have given him your number. But he conveniently left out that tidbit of info when he approached at happy hour.

    You’re on the phone with him one late evening and hear a woman’s voice in the background. “Who’s that?” you ask.

    “Oh, that’s just my wife,” he says casually, as if he’s explaining that the dog was barking. “Is that a problem for you?” he inquires.

    You don’t understand what type of relationship he and his wife have, but the point is they have one, and you are out. Click.


  • 3. The Conspiracy Theorist

    Everything boils down to someone trying to keep a brother, well, down. A fictitious TV heroine dating a white guy? The white man devaluing black love. He gets cut off in traffic? The white man trying to make him late for work. Valentine’s Day? Another way the white man gets the black man to spend money to keep a brother broke.


    4. The Brother Who Doesn’t Really Like Black People

  • If you published the transcript to any of his rants on what’s wrong with black people, it would read like the minutes from a KKK meeting. According to him, the sum of black culture is baby daddies, piss-poor morality, consumerism and fried chicken. In defense of black people you mention jazz music, red-velvet cake and Jesus, who had hair like lamb’s wool. You remind this brother that he is actually black. He promptly lists all his nonblack ancestors to distance himself from the race.


5. The Drunk

He doesn’t think he has a drinking problem because he consumes top-shelf booze from a crystal tumbler. This is supposed to separate him from the college student drinking mystery punch from a red cup. But it doesn’t matter how or what he drinks if he gets frat-boy wasted all the same. With a few pours in his system, this otherwise mild-mannered and emotionally conservative man is prone to instigating a fight at the club or doing his best Drake impression from “Marvin’s Room”. Of course, he remembers none of it the next day.


Read more: here

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This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. paul3fun says:

    I”ve been a Longshoremen for almost 26 yrs. make damn good money, work when i wanna, have no kids “would love some” i’ve been to college but i dont brag about it to women, it’s really none of they’re business. Does that make me a Mini God?????

  2. tkelly03 says:

    Thank you for posting this, my ex definitely thought of himself as the “God”. For a long time I felt inferior to him and always second guessed myself - reading this post it finally made sense. The problem, just like you said he sound amazing on paper and he thinks because he accomplished so much that he is perfect and thus has nothing else to work on. SMH

  3. Be inspired says:

    Thank you for this blog. You are correct, I have dated a couple of these guys. The god complex one a couple times.

  4. Rynopages says:

    How about, I’ve dated them all and interestingly, each one hooked me with the same technique… I call it “The One and Only. ”

    Every dude who approaches a woman usually puts out generic swag to test the lady out. After first impressions are exchanged and neither of you are ready to chuck the deuces, the first or second dates occur, and they throw out the One and Only time they’ll ever show you that characteristic you desire in a partner … like opening the door only to get a closer look at your ass… taking you to a nice restaurant because they had a Groupon… or listen to you share your goals, because the game went to commercial…

  5. Tiara Phalon says:

    We as women have to truly stop putting some men on such high a pedestal, competing for them like our lives depended on it, and truly have a little more female solidarity, then it would be hard for the “gods” to exist. Lol..bros over hoes.

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