AskFM Final UPDATE: But #whoisthefather

When we left off with this story (CLICK HERE), the wife had gotten ahold of the contact information for the man who likely believed that he was the father of her husband’s child.  He was in the military, stationed overseas.

For obvious reasons, the wife wanted some sort of revenge for the BS her husband and his child’s mother put her through. And what better way to do that than make things even messier for the mother of her husband’s child. But would she go through with it?

I’m holding in my hands a manila folder. In this folder is an address. The address to where this bitch’s beau is stationed. I have the tools to crush her, to make her feel the same misery I’m feeling.

Anyone in my position would feel so empowered right now. The sad truth is I’m not built that way.  I couldn’t maliciously hurt another human and sleep peacefully at night. I imagine this soldier sitting in his tent or whatever housing situation the military provides. I imagine him awaiting a letter, a postcard, a photo of whom he believes to be his new son. My hub’s son.

I’m quite sure he’s excited. I bet he is counting down the days he has left until he’s able to go home to his happy little family. I want to burst his happy little bubble. I want him to know exactly what kind of conniving, immoral whore he has given his heart to. Then I think about his pain, his hurt. He doesn’t deserve this, any of it. Who am I to inflict my pain onto him?

Maybe the Almighty will sort it out. The universe has a way of righting wrongs. Maybe I will keep my mouth shut and let him ride this rollercoaster off into lala land. Ignorance is bliss isn’t it? It was for me.

I can’t help but think maybe I was better off not knowing. You give your heart to a person, with the notion that it will be taken care of. You allow yourself to love hard. You love fully. You love blindly. You see past faults, flaw, every little imperfection. You love so deep that you forget which way is up. You become so love sick that you go through withdrawal when he’s not around. His touch, his smell, his taste becomes a drug. Belle, I’m going through withdrawal and it’s the most painful, exhausting thing I’ve ever experienced. The only thing that is keeping me going is my job. I swear if I didn’t have a plane to catch in a hour. I would check myself Into the Looneybin.


I didn’t hear from her for a few weeks. That plane she had to catch? Vacay.  Those long hours she’d been putting in at the office (before she came home to cook dinner for Hubs) were because she wanted to surprise her husband with a Christmas getaway.

Obviously, he wasn’t making the trip. So she hopped a flight with her best friend instead. (I don’t know who that man is, but I send a big “thank you” into the universe for him having her back.)


She hit me when she returned.

I’m hanging in there. I just got back in the country a little while ago. Yes, visited Cuba. I’ve worked every major holiday this year, just so I could surprise hubs with this trip. Welp, you know how that turned out. The trip would have been a total waste, if my dear friend hadn’t convinced me that he and I should go. I put on a brave face and muscled through it though. To my surprise I had a pretty ok time. I always get a kick out of watching my friend try and pick up dudes.

 I apologize if I’m rambling. I guess I’m trying to gather my thoughts and figure out how to put my feelings into complete sentences. I’m not going to take up too much of your time. But I do want to give you a brief update about my plans. I will be filing a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, first thing this morning. I’m heading to the office now. There is no need for a Trial or Legal Separation. I’m not interested in martial counseling I just want to start over. New beginning for a new year.

At this point the why’s and how’s doesn’t even matter. I’m not going to further stress myself out trying to figure it all out. Would you believe he’s blaming me for his indiscretion? He says I put my job before him. He often felt neglected. I was emotionally unavailable. That’s quite laughable isn’t it.  I didn’t know I had to choose between a career and a husband. Why couldn’t I have both? So many questions . I’m left doubting myself, dissecting my entire marriage.

I’m slowly coming to grips that this marriage is irretrievably broken. You only get one time to cheat on me or beat on me and I’m out. I also decided I will not be writing this chick’s beau. It’s not me who needs their soul purged. I will let her woman up and do the right thing. I would be lying if I said my spirit isn’t in mourning. I guess the only thing I can do now, is take things one day at a time and hopefully things will work out in my favor.


My response:

I’m glad to hear Cuba was a blast. I’ve always wanted to go. You must tell me how you circumvented the US gov.

Most people would say you’re doing the right thing, given the child, the physical abuse, and then him blaming this circumstance on you.

 As a reminder: this is not your fault. You know this. But it may help to hear it from an outside source. Also as a reminder, there are STILL a lot of women praying for your well-being. People ask me about you regularly and tell me they have prayed and are praying. Don’t know of you believe in God, but people who do are on bended knee.

Sounds like l you have a good friend in your guy bestie and I am thankful he is there for you when you need him.

You’re doing the right thing by NOT telling the other woman’s boyfriend. That you’re not vindictive and driven by hurt and anger gives me further indication that you have a sound mind and you will be okay in the long run. Others are rooting for you; I am too.

If all that you said about holding down your husband is true, you will be swooped up in no time by a man who honors commitment and is happy to do right by you. You’re not ready now, but when you are, remember that you have options.


The following day, I received an (bizzare) email from the wife’s e-mail address:

You’re friends with the owner of this laptop? Can you tell her that she left it at the coffee shop yesterday? We waited for her to come back in, she never did. Whoever she was on the phone with, Shorty was going HAM on them.  

Give her the head’s up that somebody named [redacted] is gonna be pissed about the emails we sent out. Our bad. She might need to let her know it was a joke. Hope they won’t have no hard feelings.  

Good news is she can get her laptop back.  We’re gonna give it to the fool at the counter. [Your girl] might want to put a password on it to cause it’s some foul shit on here. If you got her number, call her to tell her it’s gonna be at the shop. Just the lap top tho’. The Beats by Dre [headphones], I’mma keep cause I coulda been nasty and kept everythang. You can’t get much for a [redacted brand name] anyway.

 A’ite, coach! What kind of sport she play?. I bet ladies’s basketball with her [redacted identifying information].


 Ya’ll ain’t see that ending coming.


UPDATE 12/19/14 

After this post went live today, the wife… or, er, ex-wife contacted me to explain that last email in more detail. I thought it was clear that someone had got ahold of her computer and was sending out emails on it, but perhaps not.

Oh my god!!! I didn’t realize you too had received emails. I am so so so sorry. My [laptop] was hacked. Personal emails were sent out including a draft I [had] written to my Ex Husband’s mistress beau, [ie, the solider]. Naked pictures of me were sent to a few of my male colleagues (pictures that were meant for my Husband’s eyes only). I was almost fired behind this. My contract states my work [laptop] is for work and work only.

All of the emails are from me, EXCEPT the one you deemed bizarre. Secondly, my divorce was finalized in August. I am still single.  I am still working the crazy hours (in a weird way, it helps me cope). Lastly, I can wholeheartedly say that I am in a better headspace. The past year has been a roller coaster ride, but my God is faithful. He is seeing me through it all.

To you and your readers: thanks a million for all of your prayers and well wishes.





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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. I’m so confused at the ending, can you explain further please?

  2. kt says:

    I am confused as well? So was the last email from the strangers or from the wife? I don’t get it. Perhaps I am thinking to hard. And why did she never follow back up with you.

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